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Updated: June 6, 2025
He wanted to set off to once to the Equinomical Counsel, which he said wuz a-goin' to be held by the male Methodists in Washington, D.C. And, sez he "Samantha, git my fine shirt and my best necktie to once, for I want to start on the noon train." "What for?" sez I coldly; for I discourage his wild projects all I can.
But I sez slowly and firmly, and as much like a heavy weight as I could "It is three hours to train time. Set down and act like a human bein' and a Methodist, and tell me what it is you want to do." He glanced up at the clock onto the mantelry-piece, and he see I wuz right about the time. And he sot down, and sez he "That is jest how I want to act, like a Methodist, and a equinomical counsellor."
And Josiah Allen crossed his left leg over his right one, as haughty and over bearin' a-crossin' as I ever see in my life, and looked up haughtily at the stove-pipe hole in the ceilin', and resoomed, "But, as I wuz sayin' about her mit, the widder's, you know. That is jest my idee of givin', equinomical, savin', jest as it should be."
Five hundred male men are a-goin' to git together to counsel together on the best ways of bein' equinomical. And here at last" sez he proudly "here at last is the chance I have always been a-lookin' out for. Here is the opportunity for me to show off, and be somebody." And here he begun agin to onbutton his shirt-sleeves and loosen his collar.
I remembered the widder's mite, how he had interpreted that scriptural incident about that noble female as interpreters will, to suit their own idees as males and how I had argued with him in vain on the mite, and his onscriptural and equinomical views.
"Pause, Josiah Allen, and less consider and weigh things in the balances. Go not too fast, less disapintment attend your efforts, and mortification wrops you in its mantilly. "Your equinomical ways, Josiah Allen," sez I, "it seems to me ort to rize you up above every other man on the face of the globe, and make a lion of you of the first magnitude, even a roarin' African lion, as it were."
He knew he couldn't show off at that Equinomical Counsel by the side of them instances I had brung up, and to deepen the impression I had made, which is always the effort of the great oriter, I resoomed: "Think of how they keep up their econimy of justice, and right, and common sense, so afraid to use a speck of 'em, especially the common sense.
"Samantha, if I can't show off any at the Equinomical Counsel, I'd love to see them male law-makers a-settin' in the Capitol at Washington, D.C. I'd love to mingle with 'em, Samantha. You know, and I know, too, that I am one of 'em. Wuzn't I chose arbitrator in Seth Meezik's quarrel with his father-in-law? Hain't I sot on juries in the past, and hain't I liable to set?
The cow paster wuz to be used for Equinomical and Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries and Inventions, and the lane leadin' up to the barn from the lower paster he laid out to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin' quaits, bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin' hand-springs and summer sets, etc., etc.
Where is there a well that one of our rich old American patriarks will set down by for two years, leavin' off the orts. There haint none, there haint no such a well. Our patriarks haint fond of well water, anyway. And old Miss Abraham now, and Miss Isaac what stay to home wimmen they wuz, and equinomical! What a good contented creeter Sarah Abraham wuz.
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