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What the devil had the girl invited him for? If she wished to disillusion him, she was succeeding to admiration. If she fancied he was one of her infernal ninepins, she was very much mistaken. And all the while he found himself growing steadily more distracted, more insistently conscious of her....
It was against Celia's most strenuous advice that he had trusted himself to a literary career. "I see, my dear friend," she wrote, in reply to his announcement that he was going that day to Mr. Hunt to resign his position, "that you are not happy, but whatever your disappointment or disillusion, you will not better yourself by surrendering a regular occupation.
The whole congregation was now standing, the girls' school divided into two files, preceded by a woman carrying a banner. Durtal came in front of the first rank of nuns. Their veils lowered before the profane, even in church, were raised before the Blessed Sacrament, before God. Durtal was able to look at these sisters for a moment; at first his disillusion was complete.
It was against Celia's most strenuous advice that he had trusted himself to a literary career. "I see, my dear friend," she wrote, in reply to his announcement that he was going that day to Mr. Hunt to resign his position, "that you are not happy, but whatever your disappointment or disillusion, you will not better yourself by surrendering a regular occupation.
So long as such statements can be accepted in Paris without protest, there can be no financial or economic future for France, and a catastrophe of disillusion is not far distant. As a matter of subjective judgment, I estimate for this figure an accuracy of 10 per cent in deficiency and 20 per cent in excess, i.e. that the result will lie between $32,000,000,000 and $44,000,000,000.
Her still face, with the mouth closed tight from suffering and disillusion and self-denial, and her nose the smallest bit on one side, and her blue eyes so young, quick, and warm, made his heart contract with love. When she was quiet, so, she looked brave and rich with life, but as if she had been done out of her rights.
Otherwise each demand would render its object a detached, absolute, and unimpeachable good. But when each desire in turn has singed its wings and retired before some disillusion, reflection may set in to suggest residual satisfactions that may still be possible, or some shifting of the ground by which much of what was hoped for may yet be attained.
And how cold were all his references to the catastrophe! He groaned as he thought of Diana as though he actually saw the vulture gnawing at the tender breast. Had she slept? had the tears stopped? Let him tear up the beastly thing, and begin again! No. His head fell forward on his arm. Some dull weight of character of disillusion interposed. He could do no better.
Browne passes his whole life in observation and inquiry: he is a genuine investigator, with every opportunity: the mind of the age all around him seems passively yielding to an almost foregone intellectual result, to a philosophy of disillusion.
Its eternal flatness the monotony of its roads winding through an unvarying landscape of reeds and dykes and grazings, past farms each of which was almost exactly like the one before it, with red walls and orange roofs and a bush of elms and oaks the wearisome repetition of its seasons the mists and floods of winter, the may and buttercups of spring, the hay and meadow-sweet and wild carrot of the summer months, the bleakness and winds of autumn all this was typical of her life there, water-bound, cut off from all her heart's desire of variety and beauty and elegance, of the life to which she must now return because her attempt to live another had failed and left her stranded on a slag-heap of disillusion from which even Ansdore was a refuge.
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