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Updated: May 13, 2025
For just an instant the Traveling Salesman thought that the Youngish Girl was going to strike him. "I wasn't thinking of the Young Electrician at all!" she asserted angrily. "I was thinking of something altogether different." "Yes. That's just it," murmured the Traveling Salesman placidly. "Something altogether different. Every time I look at him it's the darnedest thing!
"They been learnin' us teachin' us, I mean French. It's the darnedest language! Bread is pain. Can you beat that? If you want to ask for a piece of bread, you say like this: DONNAY MA UN MORSO DOO PANG. See?" "My!" breathed Tessie. And within her something was screaming: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He knows French. And those girls that can row and swim and everything. And me, I don't know anything.
And yet it was perfectly clear that she could not. "Fish is what we're needing right now," he said with blunt emphasis. "We're ready to go. McCoy has a good crew and he can handle them fast. A whole lot faster than we've been getting them," he added. She interrupted as he knew she would. "Well, I'm doing my level darnedest," she retorted.
VOLO, November 27. I got here today, after the darnedest voyage of two days in a small steamer. We ran through a snow storm and there was no way to warm the boat. So, I DIED. You know how cold affects me well this was the coldest cold I ever died of. I poured alcohol in me, and it was like drinking iced tea. Now, I am on shore in a cafe near a stove. We continue on to Salonica at midnight.
"They been learnin' us teachin' us, I mean French. It's the darnedest language! Bread is pain. Can you beat that? If you want to ask for a piece of bread, you say like this: Donnay ma un morso doo pang. See?" "My!" breathed Tessie, all admiration. And within her something was screaming: "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! He knows French. And those girls that can row and everything.
"Very well," answered the old lawyer amiably but defiantly. "Then if you've got to enforce the law against a fine old chap like that I've got to do my darnedest to smash that law higher than a kite. And I'll tell you something, Peckham which is that the human heart is a damn sight bigger than the human conscience."
The Youngster eyed him with shocked surprise. "By Jupiter!" cried the Journalist. "That is the darnedest ghost story I ever heard. Everything and everybody walked but the dead man even the carriage." "That isn't my fault," said the Youngster, indignantly. The house was very quiet next day. All the men, except the Critic and the Sculptor, had made an early and hurried run to Paris.
"Well, sir, y'ought to have seen him, a-hoppin' on one foot, and banging agin the furniture, jes' naturally black in the face with rage, an' doin' his darnedest to lay his hands on me, roarin' all the whiles like a steer with a kinked tail. "Well, I'm skeered, and I remarks that same without shame. I'm skeered.
But Hallowell senior heard little of anything else. At his office, at his clubs, on the golf-links, every one he met congratulated him on the high and peculiar distinction that had come to his pet college. "You certainly have the darnedest luck in backing the right horse," exclaimed a rival pork-packer enviously.
"I feel," said he, "that this is the darnedest swindle that ever was. If I hadn't come into a fortune I should have been back at the office the day after to-morrow. In about eight hours, with the help of that Portuguese mountebank, you've changed me from a sane normal man into a blooming valetudinarian who must run all over the earth in search of health.
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