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Updated: October 6, 2025
'It was cruel to Old Joe, Ma'am, said the Major in his gallantry. 'It was very cruel, I know, she said, still looking out and said with such calm disdain, that the Major was discomfited, and could think of nothing in reply. 'Major Bagstock, my darling Edith, drawled her mother, 'who is generally the most useless and disagreeable creature in the world: as you know
'As to alteration in her, Sir, mused the Major on his way back; on which expedition the afternoon being sunny and hot he ordered the Native and the light baggage to the front, and walked in the shadow of that expatriated prince: 'as to alteration, Sir, and pining, and so forth, that won't go down with Joseph Bagstock, None of that, Sir. It won't do here.
None but the tough fellows could live through it, Sir, at Sandhurst. We put each other to the torture there, Sir. We roasted the new fellows at a slow fire, and hung 'em out of a three pair of stairs window, with their heads downwards. Joseph Bagstock, Sir, was held out of the window by the heels of his boots, for thirteen minutes by the college clock.
'My little friend here, Sir, croaked the Major, looking as amiably as he could, on Paul, 'will certify for Joseph Bagstock that he is a thorough-going, down-right, plain-spoken, old Trump, Sir, and nothing more. That boy, Sir, said the Major in a lower tone, 'will live in history. That boy, Sir, is not a common production. Take care of him, Mr Dombey.
There are not many men in Europe to whom J. Bagstock would say that for Josh is blunt. Sir: it's his nature but Joey B. is proud to see you, Dombey. 'Major, returned Mr Dombey, 'you are very obliging. 'No, Sir, said the Major, 'Devil a bit! That's not my character.
Mr Dombey made a very gracious reply; and Major Bagstock, having patted Paul on the head, and said of Florence that her eyes would play the Devil with the youngsters before long 'and the oldsters too, Sir, if you come to that, added the Major, chuckling very much stirred up Master Bitherstone with his walking-stick, and departed with that young gentleman, at a kind of half-trot; rolling his head and coughing with great dignity, as he staggered away, with his legs very wide asunder.
It is a very little thing to forgive to him whom we have to thank for well, not perhaps for the "housefull of friends" for the gift of whom a stranger, often quoted, once blessed him in the street; we may not wish for Mr. Feeder, or Major Bagstock, or Mrs. Chick, or Mrs. Pipchin, or Mr. Augustus Moddle, or Mr. F.'s aunt, or Mr. Wopsle, or Mr. Pumblechook, as an inmate of our homes.
'By George, Ma'am, said the Major, 'the time has been when Joseph Bagstock has been grilled and blistered by the Sun; then time was, when he was forced, Ma'am, into such full blow, by high hothouse heat in the West Indies, that he was known as the Flower. A man never heard of Bagstock, Ma'am, in those days; he heard of the Flower the Flower of Ours.
'By Gad, Sir, said the Major, 'the Bagstock breed are not accustomed to that sort of obstacle. Though it's true enough that Edith might have married twenty times, but for being proud, Sir, proud. Mr Dombey seemed, by his face, to think no worse of her for that. 'It's a great quality after all, said the Major. 'By the Lord, it's a high quality! Dombey!
Here again Mr Dombey's assent is qualified; because he is going to confer a great distinction on a lady; and, no doubt, she is to be envied most. 'As to Edith Granger, Sir, pursues the Major, 'there is not a woman in all Europe but might and would, Sir, you will allow Bagstock to add and would give her ears, and her earrings, too, to be in Edith Granger's place.
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