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Updated: June 26, 2025
The favorite argument against Berkeley’s theory of the non-existence of matter, and the most popularly effective, next to a “grin” —an argument, moreover, which is not confined to “coxcombs,” nor to men like Samuel Johnson, whose greatly overrated ability certainly did not lie in the direction of metaphysical speculation, but is the stock argument of the Scotch school of metaphysicians—is a palpable Ignoratio Elenchi.
Young people with a stiff collar, beardless sublieutenants, coxcombs with red hands, swells with white cuffs, little heads of wax and little souls of cardboard, run up, ran up, ye pretty puppets. Dance my loves You are but dolls. And she makes them dance on every cord and every tune. But soon the figures are effaced and blend into one.
We are not so clever, not we! We are not savants, coxcombs, fops! We are practitioners; we cure people, and we should not dream of operating on anyone who is in perfect health. Straighten club-feet! As if one could straighten club-feet! It is as if one wished, for example, to make a hunchback straight!"
Bentley, though rather rough, from having too often to deal with shallow coxcombs, was really and unaffectedly a pious man. He was shocked at this argument, and set himself seriously to consider it. Now, as all the various readings were Greek, and as Bentley happened to be the first of Grecians, his deliberate review of this argument is entitled to great attention.
But if you chance to please even slightly, you will be listened to with a particular laughing grace of sympathy, and from time to time chastised, as if in play, with a parasol as heavy as a pole-axe. It requires a singular art, as well as the vantage-ground of age, to deal these stunning corrections among the coxcombs of the young.
Their merriment so enraged Mr Bitpin that he went down to the wardroom in the most wrathful mood, declaring that they were a couple of idiots and that the service was going to the devil through the Admiralty neglecting the claims of their best officers and promoting a lot of empty-headed coxcombs, who thought more of prancing about in a ballroom in patent leather pumps than of keeping their watch regularly and attending to their duties aboard ship!
But on the other side of the lake, nearly opposite to Mervyn Hall, is a d d cake-house, the resort of walking gentlemen of all descriptions poets, players, painters, musicians who come to rave, and recite, and madden about this picturesque land of ours. It is paying some penalty for its beauties, that they are the means of drawing this swarm of coxcombs together.
I would she were a horned beast, that the distemper might lay hold on her. The beldame has the impudence too, after she has brought me into this dilemma, to solicit my assistance to stock the farm anew! Before God, I have a good mind to send her a halter, and perhaps I might purchase another for myself, but that I would not furnish food for laughter to knaves and coxcombs."
Mix these Ingredients well together into a Paste or as a farced Meat for Balls about the Bigness of small Wallnuts; then take two or three large Veal Sweat breads, and cut them in pieces; then provide a Pint of Mushroom Buttons well clean'd, and the Yolks of eight hard Eggs cut in halves, a dozen Coxcombs well scalded and clean'd: lay these with a seasoning of Pepper and Salt in a good Paste that covers the bottom of your Dish; first laying bits of Butter on the Paste at the Bottom.
Platitude mad, as perhaps you are aware, but they are not very numerous; and the old sturdy sort of preachers are fast dropping off, and, as we observe with pleasure, are generally succeeded by frothy coxcombs, whom it would not be very difficult to gain over.
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