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Updated: June 23, 2025
I wish I had such a Forrest in my Garding! Copyrighted by G.W. Dillingham and Company, New York. In the fall of 1856 I showed my show in Utiky, a trooly grate sitty in the State of New York. The people gave me a cordyal recepshun. The press was loud in her prases.
Do I see before me a real, genooine author? Do I see in our humble but not chilly kitchen a reely trooly author? "'Yes'm, I says, modest, like G. W. when is papa caught him executing the cherry tree. 'I wrote it. I am the author. Here, as you see me now, in tropical but dripping diffidence, I am the author of that tome. It's a warm day. "She stood in my proximity and explored me with her eyes.
It's trooly a region where men is men, as that sport common to our neck of timber known as "the first eye out for a quart of whiskey" testifies to ample. Thar's my old dad! I can see him yet, an' yere Enright closes his eyes some ecstatic. 'He was a shore man.
Them missiles would go sailin' off for over three hundred yards, an' I sees him get seven started before ever the first one strikes the ground. The Injuns acquires four antelope by this archery an' shoots mebby some forty arrows; all of which they carefully reclaims when the excitement subsides. She's trooly a sperited exhibition an' I finds it mighty entertainin'.
I keep a pig this year. I don't think of anything more, Mr Ed'ter. If you should giv my portrait in connection with my Bogfry, please have me ingraved in a languishin attitood, learnin on a marble pillar, leavin my back hair as it is now. Trooly yours. Artemus Ward. Things in our town is workin. The canal boat "Lucy Ann" called in here the other day and reported all quiet on the Wabash.
He reported to the Corner House girls later how it "went off." "'For phat we are about to resave, as Father Dooley says Aloysius, ye spalpane! ye have an eye open, squintin' at the tur-r-rkey! 'lit us be trooly thankful," observed Mr. Con Murphy, standing up to carve the huge, brown bird. "Kape your elbows off the table, Aloysius Roach ye air too old ter hev such bad manners.
"A base exhibiter of depraved monkeys and onprincipled wax works!" sed Uriah. "Hello, Uriah," sez I, "I'd most forgot you. Wall, look out for them fits of yourn, and don't catch cold and die in the flour of your youth and beauty." And I resoomed my jerney. In the Faul of 1856, I showed my show in Uticky, a trooly grate sitty in the State of New York. The people gave me a cordyal recepshun.
The early managers of this institootion were a bad lot, and their crimes were trooly orful; but I can't sob for those who died four or five hundred years ago. If they was my own relations I couldn't. It's absurd to shed sobs over things which occurd during the rain of Henry the Three. Let us be cheerful," I continnered. "Look at the festiv Warders, in their red flannil jackets.
Their stay in any given spot is trooly brief. That town of Cincinnati makes up a bundle of money big enough to choke a cow to give 'em as a ransom; but Jeff an' Morgan never do hear of it for years. They goes by so plumb swift they don't get notice; an' they fades away in the distance so fast they keeps ahead of the news.
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