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Updated: May 20, 2025
It is something in the arrangement of the words; something in a last inspired turn of absurdity given to a sentence. In spite of everything Horatio Sparkins is funny. We cannot tell why he is funny. When we know why he is funny we shall know why Dickens is great.
I thought of entering once, myself—indeed, I’m rather intimate with some of the highest ornaments of that distinguished profession.’ ‘N-no!’ said Horatio, with a little hesitation; ‘not exactly.’ ‘But you have been much among the silk gowns, or I mistake?’ inquired Flamwell, deferentially. ‘Nearly all my life,’ returned Sparkins. The question was thus pretty well settled in the mind of Mr.
Sparkins, had been forced into a white neckerchief and shoes, and touched up, and brushed, to look like a second footman. The dinner was excellent; Horatio was most attentive to Miss Teresa, and every one felt in high spirits, except Mr. Malderton, who, knowing the propensity of his brother-in-law, Mr.
Malderton. ‘Because, if effect is the consequence of cause, and if cause does precede effect, I apprehend you are wrong,’ added Horatio. ‘Decidedly,’ said the toad-eating Flamwell. ‘At least, I apprehend that to be the just and logical deduction?’ said Sparkins, in a tone of interrogation. ‘No doubt of it,’ chimed in Flamwell again. ‘It settles the point.’ ‘Well, perhaps it does,’ said Mr.
‘Pray make haste, Mr. Smith,’ said the M.C. ‘You never are to be found when you’re wanted, sir.’ Mr. Smith, thus enjoined to use all possible despatch, leaped over the counter with great agility, and placed himself before the newly-arrived customers. Mrs. Malderton uttered a faint scream; Miss Teresa, who had been stooping down to talk to her sister, raised her head, and beheld—Horatio Sparkins!
The young ladies beguiled the tediousness of the ride by eulogising Mr. Horatio Sparkins, scolding their mamma for taking them so far to save a shilling, and wondering whether they should ever reach their destination. At length, the vehicle stopped before a dirty-looking ticketed linen-draper’s shop, with goods of all kinds, and labels of all sorts and sizes, in the window.
‘I am very happy to find you entertain such honourable opinions, Mr. Sparkins,’ said Mrs. Malderton. ‘And I,’ added Miss Teresa. Horatio looked his delight, and the young lady blushed. ‘Now, it’s my opinion—’ said Mr. Barton. ‘I know what you’re going to say,’ interposed Malderton, determined not to give his relation another opportunity, ‘and I don’t agree with you.’
The elegant Sparkins attitudinised with admirable effect, until the family had crossed the room. He then started up, with the most natural appearance of surprise and delight; accosted Mrs. Malderton with the utmost cordiality; saluted the young ladies in the most enchanting manner; bowed to, and shook hands with Mr.
They have no great charms for an elderly man.’ ‘And after all, sir, what is man?’ said the metaphysical Sparkins. ‘I say, what is man?’ ‘Ah! very true,’ said Mr. Malderton; ‘very true.’ ‘We know that we live and breathe,’ continued Horatio; ‘that we have wants and wishes, desires and appetites—’ ‘Certainly,’ said Mr. Frederick Malderton, looking profound.
So I said, jokingly—you know my way—says I, I’m never above my business, and I hope my business will never be above me. Ha, ha!’ ‘Mr. Sparkins,’ said the host, vainly endeavouring to conceal his dismay, ‘a glass of wine?’ ‘With the utmost pleasure, sir.’ ‘Happy to see you.’ ‘Thank you.’
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