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Updated: May 31, 2025
There is such a thing as self-martyrdom in the cause of personal integrity; another man might have said to himself, 'Providence forbids me the gratification of my higher instincts, and I must be content to live a life of barrenness, that I may at least be above reproach. True, but Scawthorne happened not to be so made. He was of the rebels of the earth.
The girl had the Slav instinct of self-martyrdom, which makes Russians so very different from the pleasure-loving nations of Europe. "Only that?" she enquired. Paul glanced down at her. "Yes," he answered quietly. They walked on in silence for a few moments. Paul seemed tacitly to have given up the idea of visiting any more of the stricken cottages.
But Fernand never questioned Nisida concerning the motive which had induced her to feign dumbness and deafness for so many years; she had given him to understand that family reasons of the deepest importance, and involving dreadful mysteries from the contemplation of which she recoiled with horror, had prompted so tremendous a self-martyrdom: and he loved her too well to outrage her feelings by urging her to touch more than she might choose on that topic.
That was the question to which he had unconsciously demanded an answer; and unconsciously he had still hoped that the question might be answered in his favour. He had so hoped, although he was burdened with Mary Snow, and although he had spoken of his engagement with that lady in so rigid a spirit of self-martyrdom. But the question had been answered against him.
None but those who remember the fearful imaginings of their childhood, can comprehend the self-martyrdom, the heroic daring, which dwelt in that little trembling bosom, as Olive groped across the gloom. Half-way through, she touched the cold handle of a door, and could scarce repress a scream. Her fears took no positive shape, but she felt surrounding her Things before and Things behind.
He was then ignorant and still is ignorant of the real motives which had prompted me to this self-martyrdom; but I led him to believe that the gravest and most important family interests required that moral immolation of my own happiness; and I vowed that unless he would consent to aid me, it was my firm resolve to shut myself up in a convent and take the veil.
"Dear," he answered with the gravity of deep apprehension, "you say that and you believe it and yet this same instinct of self-martyrdom is the undertow of your life flood. If your given name didn't happen to be Conscience your middle name would be just that." "I suppose I have a conscience of a sort but a different, sort, I hope.
He delights most of all to differ in things indifferent; no matter how frivolous they are, they are weighty enough in proportion to his weak judgment, and he will rather suffer self-martyrdom than part with the least scruple of his freehold, for it is impossible to dye his dark ignorance into a lighter colour.
The substance of his patiently endured self-martyrdom was lifted all in a second, and with it the shadow of it. He would be thenceforth as other men, living as they lived, taking, as they did, an active share and hand in communal life. He was getting old. The good news had come late but not too late.
But Nisida's was not a mind to shrink from any peril or revolt from any sacrifice which her interests or her aims might urge her to encounter; and it was with fire-flashing eyes and a neck proudly arching, that she raised her head in a determined manner, exclaiming aloud, "Yes, it must be so. But the period of this renewed self-martyrdom will not last long.
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