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Updated: May 25, 2025
"My, but that scarecrow 'as got 'em bad!" said Ortheris. "Seems like if 'e comes any furder we'll 'ave to argify with 'im." Learoyd raised himself from the dirt as a bull clears his flanks of the wallow. And as a bull bellows, so he, after a short minute at gaze, gave tongue to the stars. "MULVAANEY! MULVAANEY! A-hoo!"
Ritchie Sahib had left half a dozen bottles of the latter, but since the Sahib was a friend of Ritchie Sahib, and he, the mess-man, was a poor man I gave my order quietly, and returned to the bridge. Mulvaney had taken off his boots, and was dabbling his toes in the water; Learoyd was lying on his back on the pontoon; and Ortheris was pretending to row with a big bamboo.
'Ah! broke in Mulvaney, 'ye'd no chanst against the maraudin' psalm- singer. They'll take the airs an' the graces instid av the man nine times out av ten, an' they only find the blunder later the wimmen. 'That's just where yo're wrong, said Learoyd, reddening under the freckled tan of his cheeks. 'I was th' first wi' 'Liza, an' yo'd think that were enough.
"An' wheer's he to come through?" says I. "Learoyd, my man," he sings out, "you're a pretty man av your inches an' a good comrade, but your head is made av duff. Isn't our friend Orth'ris a Taxidermist, an' a rale artist wid his nimble white fingers? An' what's a Taxidermist but a man who can thrate shkins?
Collier says he isn't, and both Learoyd and Murray say he's not mad, but awfully clever or a humorist." "Murray!" I exclaimed, but Jack was losing the power to astonish me very much. "He's all right, I met him in Learoyd's room," Jack said, and began to laugh. "So Thornton isn't mad after all, and you needn't talk about freaks," I told Fred. "Do you mind hearing about this?"
This was too much for me, and although Learoyd looked as miserable as ever, I had to laugh. "You wouldn't be so amused if you were in for the row I am," he said, "they will probably take away my exhibition." "I am in for exactly the same row," I answered. "I tried to read that essay to Edwardes after dinner, and he looked as if he was going to have a fit. I was out of the room in no time."
Never again will the long lazy evenings return wherein Ortheris, whistling softly, moved surgeon-wise among the captives of his craft at the bottom of the well; when Learoyd sat in the niche, giving sage counsel on the management of 'tykes, and Mulvaney, from the crook of the overhanging pipal, waved his enormous boots in benediction above our heads, delighting us with tales of Love and War, and strange experiences of cities and men.
There was something about the queer back-tilted faces queer and ugly. As she came on she saw them break loose from each other and swing apart: Nannie Learoyd and Lindley Vickers. She lay awake all night.
An' when the war began, we chased the bold Afghan, An' we made the bloomin' Ghazi for to flee, boys O! An' we marched into Kabul, an' we tuk the Balar 'Issar An' we taught 'em to respec' the British Soldier. Barrack Room Ballad. Mulvaney, Ortheris and Learoyd are Privates in B Company of a Line Regiment, and personal friends of mine.
It took some time for the crowd to realise that Learoyd was in earnest. This sale by public auction of a young woman whom many of the bystanders had known for years seemed little better than a grim jest.
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