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Updated: June 18, 2025
Captain Hunken had once in his life purchased a picture; it represented Vesuvius by night, in eruption, and he had yielded to the importunity of the Neapolitan artist or, rather, had excused himself for yielding on the ground that after all you couldn't mistake the dam thing for anything else. They came abreast of Harbour Terrace. They were passing by the green front door of Number Two.
She began with Captain Hunken, and found that, a dark lady happening in the "second house," he would certainly marry one of that hue, with plenty of money, and live happy ever after. She next attempted Captain Hocken's. "Well, that's funny, now!" she exclaimed, after dealing out the cards face uppermost. "What's funny?" asked Cai.
"You may tell me, of course, that 'tis not Captain Hunken but another man altogether: as different from Captain Hunken as you might be, for instance." Cai started. He was not good at duplicity, but managed to parry the suggestion. "We'll suppose it is my friend, 'Bias," said he; "though 'Bias would be amused if he heard it." "Very well very well indeed!"
He's been speckilatin' for years: I always looked for this to be the end, and when they told me the Saltypool wasn't insured, why, I drew my conclusions. As I was sayin' to Cap'n Hunken just now " "Eh? . . . Where is he?" "Who?" "'Bias Hunken. You said as you been speakin' with him " "Ay, to be sure, over his garden wall.
It was uttered in full hearing of some ten or twelve spectators, mostly townsmen of Troy; and these, turning their heads, for a moment not believing their ears, stared speechlessly at the two men whose friendship had in six months passed into a local byword. Cap'n Hocken and Gap'n Hunken what, quarrelling? No, no nonsense: it must be their fun! But the faces of the pair told a different tale.
"No hurry, though: I'll be a widow some day, please God which is mor'n you can hope. But now we get to the point: an' the point is, you can pay the woman up. Cap'n Hunken can't." "Why not?" "He don't know it yet, but he can't." "So you said: an' Why not? I ask. Within a thousand pound 'Bias owns as much as I do."
"I found a new customer for you this afternoon," he announced, winking mysteriously. "If Cap'n Hunken should call along you'll know what I mean." On his homeward road the industrious man had a stroke of good luck. He espied Captain Hocken, and made haste to overtake him. "Good evenin', Cap'n Cai!" "Ah Mr Philp? Good evenin' to 'ee."
Captain Cai settled himself down in the barber's chair with a sigh of luxurious content. "I've heard married men call it better," said Mr Toy, fetching forth a clean wrapper. "Very likely." The Captain sighed again contentedly. "I take no truck in marriage, for my part. A friend's company enough for me." "What's his name, Cap'n? The whole town's dyin' to know." "He's called Hunken Tobias Hunken."
"And I'm to believe that, just as I'm to believe, sir," she addressed herself stiffly to 'Bias "that you never used bad language in your life!" "I didn' say that, ma'am not exactly," urged the bewildered 'Bias. "I dunno what's this about bad language. Who's been usin' bad language? Not me." "Not since your prize-fightin' days, perhaps, Captain Hunken." "My prize-fightin' days?
To be more precise, it was rendering the waltz-tune in "Faust," an opera by the late M. Gounod. Captain Hocken and Captain Hunken knew nothing of "Faust" or of its composer. But they could recognise a tune. "Which?" repeated Tobias gasping, holding by the handrail of the bridge. "You or me? Or both, perhaps?" "Two glasses o' port wine only, 'Bias . . . and you saw me at the station.
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