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Updated: June 24, 2025
When she raised her eyes they fell upon Helbeck's dark head in the far distance, above his server's cotta. A quick change crossed her face, transforming it to a passionate contempt. But of her no one thought save once. The beautiful "moment" of the ceremony had come. Father Leadham had raised the monstrance, containing the Host, to give the Benediction.
Helbeck's shyness and efforts; the glances of appeal he threw every now and then towards his sister; his evident depression when the thing was done these things were not told to Polly. There was a place for them in the girl's sore mind; but they did not come to speech. Anyway she believed nay, was quite sure that Bannisdale would not be so tried a second time. For whose benefit was it done? whose!
Voices came from it to her that penetrated all the passion and the immaturity of her nature. The mere imagination of what it would mean to surrender herself to Helbeck's teaching in these strange and moving things what it would be to approach them through the sweetness, the chiding, the training of his love could shake and unnerve her. What stood in the way?
Helbeck's roof for months and months longer this thought was maddening to her. But when she imagined herself free to go and far away once more from this old and melancholy house among congenial friends and scenes she was no happier than before.
She threw away the book. She crouched in her chair beside Helbeck's table, her small face buried despairingly in her hands. "I can't I can't! I would if I could I can't!" Through the shiver of an invincible repulsion that held her spoke a hundred things things inherited, things died for, things wrought out by the moral experience of generations. But she could not analyse them.
As she glanced across the table, she caught a momentary shade of embarrassment in Helbeck's face. "No, thank you," he said. "I am provided." His provision seemed to be coffee and bread and butter. She raised her eyebrows involuntarily, but said nothing, and he presently busied himself in bringing her vegetables and wine, Mrs. Denton having left the room.
Laura found that the girl was not allowed to wait upon her personally any more. Meanwhile the housekeeper herself passed Miss Fountain with a manner and a silence which were in themselves an insult. And two days after Helbeck's departure, Laura was crossing the hall towards tea-time, when she saw Mrs. Denton admitting one of the Sisters from the orphanage.
If I could just see you before I go, to say good-bye, and ask your pardon, there would be a better chance for me. I can't come to Mr. Helbeck's house, of course, and I don't suppose you would come here. I shall be coming home from Kirby Whardale fair to-morrow night, and shall be crossing the little bridge in the park upper end some time between eight and nine. But I know you won't be there.
For nearly an hour, while she and Augustina sat reading over the fire, the colloquy went on. Helbeck's tones then were of the gentlest; the young man too spoke low and eagerly, pressing his plans. And once when Laura looked up from her book, she had seen Helbeck's arm resting for a moment on the young fellow's shoulder. Oh! no doubt Mr.
His eyes constantly dropt, especially in her presence and Augustina's, his evident cold shrinking from the company of women she thought of them with disgust and anger. For she said to herself that now she understood what they meant. Of late she had been constantly busy with the books that stood to the right of Helbeck's table.
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