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But he did not feel awkward or shy; he was thinking now, as he had been thinking now and then through the whole evening, of only one thing, that Maimie was going away. That would make a great difference to him, so great that he was conscious of a heart-sinking at the mere thought of it.
For one of his heavy days he had been endeavouring to make provision in advance, but had not succeeded in obtaining all the money needed, when the day arrived. In his extremity, and as a last resort, yet with a most heart-sinking reluctance, he called in to see Layton.
If he could only keep the hope that had hallowed its sufferings. But now it was a viper not a divine hope it had nourished in its bosom. He felt so lonely; a great stretch of blackness, a barren mere, a gaunt cliff on a frozen sea, a pine on a mountain. To be done with it all the sighs and the sobs and the tears, the heart-sinking, the dull dragging days of wretchedness and the nights of pain.
Nurse told us all about it; and me and Douglas are dreadfully sorry too! Betty crept into Molly's bed, with much heart-sinking; the bad dream was truth then, and Prince was dead! 'Douglas and I went to see him in the stable, Molly continued in a whisper. 'Farmer Giles said he saved your life; so he was quite a hero, Betty. Don't you think he ought to have a tombstone telling about it?
Reaching it, he stopped, his innate delicacy forbidding him to enter without permission, and waited until Mrs. Mencke joined him. They went in together, and he observed with a terrible heart-sinking the perfect order in which everything had been left in both rooms. Mrs. Mencke explained that she had questioned the chambermaid, but that she knew nothing about Violet's movements.
I must add that I never had the least suspicion of it in his life. He was the victim during this time of a depression of mind; not constant, but from which he never felt secure. I subjoin a few entries from his diaries. "Very troubled and gloomy: a strange heart-sinking—a blank misgiving without any adequate cause upon me all day.
Almost mechanically, I searched the breast pocket of my soil-worn shirt for the previous day's orders, so as to see about picquet posting; then I remembered suddenly, with a curious heart-sinking, that it was all over, finished, completed.... It was so strange that it should be so that everything should have come so suddenly to an end.
But the language of mere attitude was so unmistakable the expression of crushing pain was so strong, that, after Fleda had fearfully made her way up beside her, she could do no more. She stood there tongue-tied, spell-bound, present to nothing but a nameless chill of fear and heart-sinking.
All this while her thoughts were straying miles away, and yet so wondrously and painfully present. As she thought of her Uncle Frederick, and, as it were, realized his death, which had happened so nearly in this same manner, she experienced a sort of heart-sinking which would almost make her believe in a fate on the family.
We found her in her flower-adorned alcove; she was reading the newspaper report of the debate in parliament, that apparently doomed her to hopelessness. That heart-sinking feeling was painted in her sunk eyes and spiritless attitude; a cloud was on her beauty, and frequent sighs were tokens of her distress.
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