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Updated: June 4, 2025
"Why, uncle Nate Gowdey and I, and a few others who love quiet, and love to see folks do as they ort to, lay out to take some shot-guns and make them niggers vote right; make 'em vote for me; shoot 'em right down if they don't. We have got the campaign all planned out." "Josiah Allen," says I, "if you have no fear of Heaven, have you no fear of the Government?
I know what them actions of hern is; hain't I suffered from the one she took 'em from? But to resoom, and continue on. Miss Gowdey come to the depot to see me off, and so did Miss Bobbet and the Widder Pooler.
But I still wuz dubersome and sez, "Mebby it would end by our shufflin' off our mortal coils, as Mr. Shakespeare tells on." And he went on, "It would be a very stylish and genteel ride. I'd love to tell brother Gowdey about it. The bretheren will expect it of me as a live progressive Jonesvillian minglin' here with the noblest in the land to cut sunthin' of a dash."
"Yes, such a one as Tom Gowdey has got." Says I, "You mean a velocipede!" "Yes, and I'll get you one ruther than have you a ridin' round the country on a encyclopedia." His tender thoughtfulness touched my heart, and I explained to him all about 'em. He thought it was some kind of a bycicle. And he brightened up, and didn't make no objections to my gettin' one.
"What is George Washington up on top of that big white piller for?" "He was a great man." "How much did he weigh? How many yards did it take for his vest forty?" "He did great and noble deeds he fought and bled." "If fighting makes folks great, why did mamma punish me when I fought with Jim Gowdey?
"Well," sez he, "the day I finished that plan you had company, and you and Miss Gowdey and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury kep' up such a confounded clackin' that a man couldn't hear himself think!" Sez I, "Josiah, you finished the plan the next day." "Well," sez he, "I kep' thinkin' of the clack. Now," sez he, "I'm goin' to build a house by rote and not by note.
Now if I should ask sister Sylvester Gowdey, who always thinks she knows everything worth knowin', if I should say, "How much land do you spoze, sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this central beauty spot of the Fair?" I'll bet she'd say, "Mebby half an acre." But I'd say, "Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres." I d'no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it's so, the livin' truth.
Well, when the news got out that I wuz goin' to visit Washington, D.C., all the neighbors wanted to send errents by me. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey wanted a dozen Patent Office books for scrap books for her poetry. Uncle Nate Gowdey wanted me to go to the Agricultural Buro and git him a paper of lettuce seed. And Solomon Sypher wanted me to git him a new kind of string beans and some cowcumber seeds.
Josiah looked at that water, and sez he, "Samantha, I'd love to get some of that water to pass round evenin's when we have company." Sez he, "It would look so dressy and fashionable to pass round pink water, or light blue, or light yeller. How it would make Uncle Nate Gowdey open his eyes. I believe I shall buy some bottles of it, Samantha, to take home. What do you say?
And Solomon Cypher wanted me to get him a new kind of string-beans, if I could, and some cowcumber seeds. Uncle Nate Gowdey, who talked of paintin' his house over, wanted me to ask the President what kind of paint he used on the White House, and if he put in any sperits of turpentime.
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