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"I don't go for to say as she ever goes to go to say I ain't a-goin' for to let you go there; but it are terrible aggrivokin' when the rheumatics twinges awful, and as it might be that this saw-mill don't want no more splinters laid onto it, to have her feelin'ly remark, 'Well, if you will go round a-guzzlin' ale with your swell friends and a-leavin' your lawful wife to home alone you must expect to pay for it, whereas I know it are the dock and other causes long gone by; but that knowledge don't ease the pain a morsel, and the last time I were that way tantalized I swore I wouldn't come here no more.
"No," sez he feelin'ly. "Heaven knows I didn't. And I done the best I could," sez he sort a pitiful. Sez I, "I believe you, Josiah Allen," and sez I warmly, "I don't believe that Alexander, or Cezar, or Grover Cleveland, could have done any better."
He said it would sound so sort a warlike and impressive. I expostulated aginst the idee. But sez he, "You'll enjoy it when you get used to it." "Never!" sez I. "Yes you will," sez he, "and while I live I lay out that you shall have advantages, and shall enjoy things new and uneek." "Yes," sez I feelin'ly, "I expect to, Josiah Allen, as long as I live with you." And I sithed.
But seein' her mournful looks I added, "You're a clever critter, Blandina, that's what's the matter with you, you're so good hearted you mistake good nater and pity for love more'n half the time. I don't believe," sez I feelin'ly, "I ever see a cleverer creeter than you are." And I meant it, every word I said. But she repeated agin, "I love him, Aunt Samantha, with a pure, deep devotion."
A young fellow sitting near me offered a little Goldsmith information, then a woman on the other side did the same, and the old man who had recited suggested that we go over and see the alehouse "where the justly celebhrated Docther Goldsmith so often played his harp so feelin'ly." So we adjourned to The Three Jolly Pigeons a dozen of us, including the lovers, whom I personally invited.
But Josiah catched up the refrain and sung it quite loud, or what he calls singin': Be it ever so humbly, There's no place like hum. He looked round the vast, chilly, bare apartment, the lofty walls, the marble floors, with here and there a rug layin' like a leaf on a sidewalk, and I kinder echoed it. Sez he feelin'ly and sort of plaintively, "I'd ruther have less ornaments and more comfort."
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