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Updated: June 6, 2025
'I'm only a mildewed buntin'-tosser, 'e says: 'but speakin' for my mess, I do hope, 'e says, 'you ain't goin' to boil your Portugee friend's boots along o' that pork you're smellin' so gay! "'Boots! Boots! Boots! says Retallick, an' he run round like a earwig in a alder-stalk. 'Boots in the galley, 'e says. 'Cook's mate, cast out an' abolish this cutter-cuddlin' aborigine's boots!"
Thrale used to say of Piozzi. Nov. 16. The ear-comforter or earwig is beautiful and comfortable, and is, I hear, as becoming to me as was the Chancellor's wig to Francis Forbes when he acted Of Age To-morrow. I am acting of age to-day, and very gay, and perhaps may arrive at years of discretion at eighty, if I live so long.
No sooner had it gone than I was seized with repentance not to have examined it more closely; not to have ascertained what the creature was. It might have been an earwig, a very large, motherly earwig; an earwig far gone in that way in which earwigs wish to be who love their lords. I have a profound horror of earwigs; I firmly believe that they do get into the ear.
The boxes are brought out, pork is sliced, a can of Indian meal comes to the front, and they go for the frying pans. "Holy Moses! Look here. Just see the ants and bugs." Second Man. "Well, I should say! I can see your ants and bugs, and go you an earwig better." "Damn 'em. I'll roast the beggars."
The sleeper sneezed, blew the earwig out of existence, rolled over on his back, flung his arms wide open, and, with his mouth in the same condition, spent the remainder of the night in motionless repose.
Earwig had a wash at home, and one of her children had fallen into the hot copper, for which reason she was running so fast to fetch the doctor.
Then she wrote: "Anthony Eustace Failing, the subject of this memoir, was born at Wolverhampton." But she wrote no more. She was fidgety. Another drop fell from the roof. Likewise an earwig. She wished she had not been so playful in flinging her golosh into the path. The boy who was overthrowing religion breathed somewhat heavily as he did so. Another earwig. She touched the electric bell.
Earwigs are the prolifickest things, and so fond of their offspring! They sit on their eggs like hens, and the young, as soon as they are born, creep under them for protection, quite touchingly! Imagine such an establishment domesticated at one's tympanum! But the creature was certainly larger than an earwig.
As it was early in the year, but few insects could be seen, but by searching in the conservatory I found a large green aphis, which I gave to the earwig. To my surprise, instead of devouring it at once, she applied herself to one of the projecting tubes of the aphis, and evidently sucked its sweet secretion, and enjoyed it as much and in the same way as ants are said to do.
Oh for a vigorous fit of gout, colic, toothache, an earwig in my auditory, a fly in my visual organs; pain is life, the sharper the more evidence of life; but this apathy, this death! Did you ever have an obstinate cold, a six or seven weeks' unintermitting chill and suspension of hope, fear, conscience, and everything? Yet do I try all I can to cure it.
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