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Updated: June 10, 2025
"I was displaying myself," continued the second. "One day last summer it was. We come on a big snake by Torrey Creek corral. The boys got betting pretty lively that I dassent make my word good as to dealing with him, so I loped my cayuse full tilt by Mr. Snake, and swung down and catched him up by the tail from the ground, and cracked him same as a whip, and snapped his head off.
I've pompied him, cooked the very best of vittles, argued with him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he's as sot as a hen turkey on a brick bat, and I've got to the end of my chain." Sez Tirzah Ann, "Have you tried readin' historical novels to him?" "No," sez I, "I don't dast to be too hash with him, your pa's health hain't what it wuz, I dassent take too hash measures."
"Well, there's a sell, you know, Uncle Maje. You say, 'They're goin' to tear the schoolhouse down, or something like that, and the other boy says, 'What fur? and then you say, quick as you can, 'Cat-fur to make kitten britches of, and then we all laugh and yell, and I caught Ginger Potts on it, and he got mad when we yelled and come at me, and they pushed him against me and they pushed me against him, and they said he dassent, and they said I dassent, and then it happened, only when I got him down, he begun to say, 'Oh, it's wrong to fight!
I whipped Ed Walker twice, Saturday. I don't like girls. You dassent catch toads unless with a string. Do oxen make any noise? Why are oranges round? Have you got beds to sleep on in this cave? Amos Murray has got six toes. A parrot can talk, but a monkey or a fish can't. How many does it take to make twelve?"
How dare I leave my barn in confusion, and, by my disorderly doin's, run the risk of my wive's bein' so disgusted with my want of neatness and shiftlessness, as to cause her to get dissatisfied with home and husband, and wander off into paths of dissipation and vice? Oh! I dassent, I dassent, take the resk!
"Fire, if you dare take the life of a freeborn American for a bloody British actor! D n it, you dassent fire!" and he boldly bared his breast to the levelled muskets. "Fire, will you?" yelled another, as he hurled a paving-stone at General Sandford, wounding his sword arm. "Hit 'em again!" shouted a third, who saw the well-directed aim.
They all laugh at us farmers, those rough-necks. Say, we don't know a real man when we see one." The bronzed elderly man who was with Oscar listened intently. Oscar went on: "The details on a place like this are enough to drive a man crazy. He dassent let 'em pour concrete without him or his cement expert is round.
Well, to tell the honest truth Pa basted me, and yanked me around until I had to have my arm in a sling, but what's the use of making such a fuss about a few cats. Ma said she never wanted to have my company again, cause I spoiled everything. But I got even with Pa for basting me, this morning, and I dassent go home.
He glanced again at the cab and groaned: "O Lord, I just dassent!" With which, thanking the bureau of information, he set off at a quick step down Grey's Inn Road.
"I expect yu' can be drunk and disorderly in every language. But an Austrian Hank would be liable to respect her crucifix." "That's so!" "He ain't made her quit it yet?" "Not him. But he's got meaner." "Drunk this mawnin', yu' say?" "That's his most harmless condition now." "Nobody's in camp but them two? Her and him alone?" "Oh, he dassent touch her." "Who did he tell that to?"
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