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Updated: June 27, 2025


Derek was his best friend, and he had always been extremely fond of him. It hurt him to see things going wrong. "I'll tell you what, old bean. Let me handle this binge for you." "You?" "Me! The Final Rooke!" He jumped up, and leaned against the mantelpiece. "I'm the lad to do it. I've known Jill for years. She'll listen to me.

There was less total damage done to the nerves than a good all-night binge would do to a normal human being. But the effect on the mind was something else again. It was a very effective method of making a man learn almost any lesson you wanted to teach him. After a while, The Guesser shuddered once more, took a deep breath, held it for fifteen seconds, and then released it.

"Freddie," said Wally, "you're an awfully good chap, but I wish you would exit rapidly now! Thanks for coming and telling me, very good of you. This way out!" "But, old man . . . !" "Now what?" "I thought we were going to discuss this binge and decide what to do and all that sort of thing." "Some other time. I want to think about it." "Oh, you will think about it?" "Yes, I'll think about it."

I know very well that they have sweated to indoctrinate, to persecute, to trim, to improve, to exterminate, to lift up, to cast down, to annoy, to amuse, to exasperate, to please, to enmusic, to offend, to glorify their kind. In some of these energies of theirs I blame them, in others I praise; but it is plainly evident that they know how to binge.

In other eras he might have been described as swacked, stewed, stoned, smashed, crocked, cockeyed, soused, shellacked, polluted, potted, tanked, lit, stinko, pie-eyed, three sheets in the wind, or simply drunk. In his own time, Major Joseph Mauser, Category Military, Mid-Middle Caste, was drenched. Or at least rapidly getting there. He wasn't happy about it. It wasn't that kind of a binge.

"That's a lot of help, that 'ah'! You see, I'm pretty well dependent on the old boy. If he cut off my allowance, I should be very much in the soup. So you put the whole binge to Jeeves and see if he can't scare up a happy ending somehow. Tell him my future is in his hands, and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid.

"That's the organ-grinder's motto, and a very good motto, too. But we're the exception which proves the rule. We're grateful for your sympathy, but we don't want your relief." As he gazed at her, both dismayed and very exasperated, she went on, speaking a little wildly: "Mustard's a very good thing. I think I needed a little mustard just now to binge me up!"

Sensing that a bit of enlightenment could accompany a binge of debauchery and provide him with not only wind but ablution into the cellar of his musty mind, he was given a reason for intimacy, not that this reason or any other would have to prevail in creatures so prone to irrational caprices as he now concluded that he was.

It was a binge of which he thoroughly approved. A good egg! Jill, when Freddie and Nelly left the room, had seated herself on a low stool, and sat, looking thoughtfully into the fire. She was wondering if she had been mistaken in supposing that Uncle Chris was worried about something. This restlessness of his, this desire for movement, was strange in him.

The scheme now is to pop down to the City Hall and get a license, which it appears you have to have if you want to bring this sort of binge off with any success and vim, and then what ho for the padre! Looking at it from every angle, a bit of a good egg, what! Happiest man in the world, and all that sort of thing." At this point in his somewhat incoherent epic Freddie paused.

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