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Updated: May 15, 2025
Cigarette? Good! Here's my sideboard. See? It's a nuisance, this having only one arm in commission; affects my style as a barkeep. Don't stir; I'll be able " "Let me help you. I mean, please don't go to so much trouble. Really I want nothing but a place to sleep to-night. This couch will do honestly. And some one to call me at daybreak, so that I may be on my way."
Racey's eyes brightened at the sight. "Y' oughta known better than to sit down in all that glass. I could 'a' told you you'd get prickles in you. Why don't you stand still and let yore barkeep pick 'em out for you? You can get at most of the big pieces with yore fingers," he added to the bartender, who was gingerly emerging on all fours round the end of the bar.
That's straight; that's the painful fact in the case of Curly Bill, who makes overgay with the wrong gent. "Later, mebby an hour, so the party says who relates it to me, Curly Bill sends back word into the hurdy-gurdy, tellin' the barkeep, if his credit's good after sech vicissitoodes, to treat the house.
All of a sudden the whole region fairly rocked under the crash of eleven hundred and one thunder blasts, all let off at once, and Sandy says, "There, that's for the barkeep." I jumped up and says, "Then let's be moving along, Sandy; we don't want to miss any of this thing, you know." "Keep your seat," he says; "he is only just telegraphed, that is all." "How?"
"But what has that to do with us?" "Nothin', except that it took me five minutes to get the barkeep' to tell me about the road. He says we've come all right this far, and this is the place where we hit the trail over the hills. Says we save a day and a half, with pack burros, by takin' the cut-off. Says it's seven or eight hours good ridin' by the road if we were on horses and in a hurry."
Sa'nter up to the bar, call for licker, drink it; an' then you remark to the barkeep, casooal like, that you're thar to maintain that any outcast who'll sell sech whiskey ain't fit to drink with a nigger or eat with a dog. That's all; that barkeep'll relieve you of the load that's burdenin' your nerves in about thirty seconds. You'll be the happiest sport in Looeyville when he gets through."
There you will find the high and low together the judge putting off his ermine and getting down from the bench elbow to elbow with Tom Radigan, the East Side barkeep, when the Patrick J. O'Dowd Association of the Eighty-eighth Assembly District gives its annual outing or its ball. But that's not true democracy because it's very largely selfish inspired by the desire of votes.
"'I don't care to go pullin' off my moccasins in the Tub of Blood, an' makin' a vulgar display of my wealth by pourin' the silver onto the floor. Thar's a peck of it, if thar's dos reals; an' sech an exhibition as spillin' it out in the Tub of Blood is bound to mortify me, an' the barkeep, an' Frosty, an' most likely lead to makin' remarks.
There was John Washee's Cat, that got only a small piece because John was in arrears. Then there was the saloon-keeper's collared and ribboned ratter, which got an extra lump because the 'barkeep' was liberal; and the rounds-man's Cat, that brought no cash, but got unusual consideration because the meat-man did. But there were others.
I tell you, boy, I knowed you I knowed you the minute you called down that dog-robber of a barkeep and I was half drunk, too. And so you're the new superintendent down at the Dos S, eh? Waal, all I can say is: God help them pore sheepmen if you ever git on their trail. I used to chase Apaches with yore paw, boy!"
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