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Updated: July 3, 2025
If I was to draw up an account of it for the Slickville Gazette, I guess few would accept it as a bona fide draft, without some 'sponsible man to indorse it, that warn't given to flammin'. They'd say there was a land speculation to the bottom of it, or water privilege to put into the market, or a plaister rock to get off, or some such scheme. They would, I snore.
Well, in our country about Slickville, any man arter that who was wise and had experience of life, was said to have 'gone through the mill. Do you take?" But he didn't answer. "Well, your father and my good old friend brought us both up religiously, and I hope taught us what was right. But, Mr Cutler " "Don't call me Mr," said he.
In short, he entertained no doubt that Slickville was the finest place in the greatest nation in the world, and the Slick family the wisest family in it. Having lighted it by a lucifer, and ascertained that it was "true in draft," he resumed his reins and remarked "This must be an everlastin' fine country beyond all doubt, for the folks have nothin' to do but to ride about and talk politics.
You recollect when that super-superior villain, Expected Thorne, brought an action of defamation agin' me, to Slickville, for takin' away his character, about stealing the watch to Nova Scotia; well, I jist pleaded my own case, and I ups and sais, 'Gentlemen of the Jury, sais I, "Expected's character, every soul knows, is about the wust in all Slickville.
The pine table and willow-seated chairs are all made in the "bush," and even into this far back settlement has penetrated the prowess of the renowned "Sam Slick, of Slickville."
I won't do it no more, I won't, indeed." "Well, what did you mean then?" "Why I meant her ten fingers, to be sure. When a woman clapper claws her husband, we have a cant tarm with us boys of Slickville, savin' she gave him her ten commandments." "And a very improper expression too, Sir," said Mr. Hopewell; "a very irreverent, indecent, and I may say profane expression; I am quite shocked.
It is a broad gauge, and a straight line, and I never travel by another, for fear of being put on a wrong one. Do you take? But here is the boat alongside;" and I shook him by the hand, and obtained his promise at parting that he and Jessie would visit me at Slickville in the autumn.
"'Well, I did see that, said he, 'but I thought it was an error of the press, or that the owner couldn't spell. "'Oh! sais I, 'don't take me for one of your Dutch boors, I beg of you. I can spell, but you can't read, that's all. You remind me, sais I, 'of a feller in Slickville when the six-cent letter stamps came in fashion.
Slick, at his particular request, that he might be assured they contained nothing that would injure his election as President of the United States, in the event of the Slickville ticket becoming hereafter the favourite one. This, he said, was on the cards, strange as it might seem, for making a fool of John Bull and turning the laugh on him, would be sure to take and be popular.
You recollect when that super-superior villain, Expected Thorne, brought an action of defamation agin' me, to Slickville, for takin' away his character, about stealing the watch to Nova Scotia; well, I jist pleaded my own case, and I ups and sais, 'Gentlemen of the Jury, sais I, "Expected's character, every soul knows, is about the wust in all Slickville.
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