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Updated: May 4, 2025
I have traced his footsteps here to Saxonholme, and here the last clue fails. If you know anything if you can remember anything " Calm and collected as she had been at first, she was trembling now, and her voice died away in sobs. The firelight fell upon her face upon the face of my lost love! I also was profoundly agitated.
"This use, that it does you good to tell, and me to listen. Sympathy, like mercy, blesseth him that gives and him that takes; and if I cannot actually help you, I am, at all events, thankful to be taken out of myself. Go on tell me more of your prospects. Have you no acquaintance at Saxonholme whose society will make the place pleasant to you? No boyish friends? No pretty cousins?
I will not dwell on this part of my story; enough that I settled my affairs as quickly as might be, left an old servant in care of the solitary house that had been my birthplace, and turned my back once more on Saxonholme, perhaps for years perhaps for ever; and in less than three weeks was again on my way to the Continent. The spirit of restlessness was now upon me.
"O God!" she murmured, "so many years of denial and suffering! so many years of darkness that might have been dispelled by a word!" We were both silent for a long time. Then I told her all that I remembered of her father; how he came to Saxonholme how he fell ill how he died, and was buried.
"But but surely, sir, you will dine " "I will wait for nothing," I interrupted. "I'll go at once. Had I known the lady's business was urgent, I would not have delayed a moment." Collins cast a mournful glance at the table, and sighed respect fully. Before he had recovered from his amazement, I was half way to the inn. The White Horse was now the leading hostelry of Saxonholme.
So strong a hold did this morbid love of self-isolation take upon me, that I left Florence on one occasion, after a stay of only three days, because I had seen the names of a Saxonholme family among the list of arrivals in the Giornale Toscano. Three years went by thus three springs three vintages three winters till, weary of wandering, I began to ask myself "what next?"
I reached Saxonholme the night before my father's funeral, and remained there for ten days. I found myself, to my surprise, almost a rich man that is to say, sufficiently independent to follow the bent of my inclinations as regarded the future.
Meanwhile, I watched the squirrels up in the beech-trees and the dancing of the green leaves against the sky; and thought dreamily of home, of my father, of the far past, and the possible future. I asked myself how, when my term of study came to an end, I should ever again endure the old home-life at Saxonholme?
It is a tragedy played off at the expense of the few for the gratification of the many a costly luxury, of which it is pleasanter to be the spectator than the entertainer. Occurring, therefore, at a season when the supply of news was particularly scanty, the death of the little Chevalier was a boon to Saxonholme.
A consummate tactician, she succeeded, before a quarter of an hour had gone by, in putting me at my ease, and in drawing from me everything that I had to tell all my past; all my prospects for the future; the name and condition of my father; a description of Saxonholme, and the very date of my birth.
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