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Updated: June 5, 2025
Van Astorbilt's elopement with a plumber; had it been the life-story of a shooting show girl; had it been the description of the latest style in slit skirts; had it been a sarcastic message from some drunken, over-rated city official; had it been a sympathy-squad description of the hardships and soul-beauties of a millionaire murderer it would have met with close attention.
It was Randall coming with a few friends for his week-end, as he had warned. With him, his wild brother, Jack; and Bill, his assistant plumber and man-about-shop. The drinking had begun before they were in sight of the shack. And it was kept up till late Sunday night ... around a big fire in a cleared space they sang and gambled and drank.
They make a getaway about as graceful as a cow tryin' the fox trot. But say, once they get goin', with them big wings planed against the breeze, they can do the soar act something grand. And dive! One of 'em doin' a hundred-foot straight down plunge has got Annette lookin' like a plumber fallin' off a roof backwards.
By some freak of fate she had for parents a plumber and a washerwoman "poor but very honest people," was Quentin's periphrase; their poverty of late considerably relieved by the thoughtful son-in-law, and their honesty perhaps fortified at the same time.
In addition to the total price for the work, these bids, by common custom, give the names of the chief sub-contractors such as plumber, electrician and the like, with the amount of money allocated for the work of each. On a set day, usually a Saturday afternoon, owner and architect meet, open the bids, and compare the offers made by the various contractors.
Don't you know that the day of the medicine-closet in the bath-room and the department-store patent-remedy counter is over? We've got sanatoriums now instead of family doctors. In other words, we put in good sanitation systems and don't need the plumber and his repair kit." "The pharmacy?" I said between my teeth. "Closed also. No medicine, Minnie. That's our slogan.
Do you see that man, on the other side of the street, with the tool bag?" "Yes," I said, "a plumber, is he not?" "Exactly, a plumber. Used to drink heavily couldn't keep a job more than a week. Now, you can't drag him from his work. Came to my house to fix a pipe under the kitchen sink wouldn't quit at six o'clock. Got in under the sink and begged to be allowed to stay said he hated to go home.
Father Kelly sniffed th' air whin he come in; an' says he, 'Terence, what's th' matther with ye'er catch basin? 'I dinnaw, growled Terence. 'Well, says Father Kelly, 'ye put on ye'er hat this minyit, an' go out f'r a plumber, he says. 'I'm not needed here, he says. 'Ye'er sowls ar-re all r-right, he says; 'but ye'er systems ar-re out iv ordher, he says.
The world at present is inclined to make sorry mysteries or unattractive secrets of the methods and supplies of the fresh and perennial means of life. A very dull secret is made of water, for example, and the plumber sets his seal upon the floods whereby we live.
Of course he did n't share our fear about their charges, but he must have had some dreadful experience with them in that portion of his life which is unknown to us. A plumber was to him the devil, and I have no doubt that, in his scheme, plumbers were foreordained to do him mischief. In speaking of his worth, it has never occurred to me to estimate Calvin by the worldly standard.
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