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Updated: July 15, 2025
"If ye plaze, sorr," cried Officer Donahue and Officer Cassidy in chorus. In the course of their professional career they did not often hear their superior make many suggestions with which they saw eye to eye, but he had certainly, in their opinion, spoken a mouthful now. "No, honestly, my dear old thing, nothing was farther from my thoughts "
"'More power to your elbow, Paddy, my boy, says he, 'for sitch a good wish, and throth it's myself wishes the same. "'Och, says I, 'that it may plaze you, sweet queen iv heaven, supposing it was only a dissolute island, says I, 'inhabited wid Turks, sure they wouldn't be such bad Christians as to refuse us a bit and a sup.
But they'se no reason now, me boy, f'r us to do annything, f'r these are our own people, an' 'tis wan iv their rights, undher th' martial law that's th' foundation iv our institutions, to bate each other to death whiniver an' whereiver they plaze.
"Young woman, if you plaze, would you turn your face th' other way;" then in a side soliloquy, "By Jaker, I wondher at Jack's taste she's a fine lump of a girl, but her breath is murther intirely phew young woman, turn away your face, or by this and that I'll fall off the horse. I've heerd of a bad breath that might knock a man down, but I never met it till now.
Well, of course, when ye have a fancy for it that way, it's best for ye to take it wid ye. But I question if Mrs. Larry 'ud like the looks of it comin' into her grand kitchen. Sure Bill tould me, that time he came back from America, there wasn't such a thing as a pot to be seen over there at all. But plaze yerself, ma'am, of coorse." Mrs. Brophy looked startled and perturbed.
Aw, I see," taking it and turning it in his hand, "just'a line from the mistress, it's like. Well, well! A letter for me, if you plaze," and he laughed like a man much tickled. He was in no hurry. He rammed his dead pipe with his finger, lit it again, sucked it, made it quack, drew a long breath, and then said quietly, "Let's see what's her news at all."
An' if you want to tell the court me name ye can plaze yersilf, fer it's little I think av a man that'll sit in me house by the hour forninst mesilf an' me husband there, and then let on before the court that he doesn't know the name av me." "Why, my dear Madam," said the lawyer soothingly, "it is a mere matter of form that you should tell the court your name." "A matter o' form, is it?
The Lieutenant'll remimber 'tis the horrse that had a bit of a spavin. Sure I thot 'twas cured, and 'tis the kindest baste in the rigiment f'r a pleasure ride, sorr that willin' 'tis. So I tuk it. I think 'tis only the stiffness at furrst aff. 'Twill wurruk aff later. Plaze God, I'll wallop him." And the Sergeant walloped with a will.
"That she is, sorr, plaze the pigs!" chorused the Irishman to this paean of praise, which might have run on to an interminable length if it had not been just then interrupted by the mate's suddenly raising his gilt- banded cap in nautical salute to a new-comer, who now appeared on the scene.
"How far do you intend to proceed tonight, Paddy?" said he. "The sarra one o' myself knows, plaze yer haner: sure we've an ould sayin' of our own in Ireland beyant that he's a wise man can I tell how far he'll go, sir, till he comes to his journey's ind. I'll give this crathur to you at more nor her value, yer haner."
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