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It was well known that Yorick had never a good opinion of the treatise which Phutatorius had wrote de Concubinis retinendis, as a thing which he feared had done hurt in the world and 'twas easily found out, that there was a mystical meaning in Yorick's prank and that his chucking the chesnut hot into Phutatorius's... ..., was a sarcastical fling at his book the doctrines of which, they said, had enflamed many an honest man in the same place.
Others who knew nothing of musical expression, and merely lent their ears to the plain import of the word, imagined that Phutatorius, who was somewhat of a cholerick spirit, was just going to snatch the cudgels out of Didius's hands, in order to bemaul Yorick to some purpose and that the desperate monosyllable Z...ds was the exordium to an oration, which, as they judged from the sample, presaged but a rough kind of handling of him; so that my uncle Toby's good-nature felt a pang for what Yorick was about to undergo.
Though this has taken up some time in the narrative, it took up little more time in the transaction, than just to allow time for Phutatorius to draw forth the chesnut, and throw it down with violence upon the floor and for Yorick to rise from his chair, and pick the chesnut up.
But this incident, trifling as it was, wrought differently in Phutatorius's head: He considered this act of Yorick's in getting off his chair and picking up the chesnut, as a plain acknowledgment in him, that the chesnut was originally his and in course, that it must have been the owner of the chesnut, and no one else, who could have played him such a prank with it: What greatly confirmed him in this opinion, was this, that the table being parallelogramical and very narrow, it afforded a fair opportunity for Yorick, who sat directly over against Phutatorius, of slipping the chesnut in and consequently that he did it.
If that is the case, said Eugenius, I would advise you, Phutatorius, not to tamper with it by any means; but if you will send to the next printer, and trust your cure to such a simple thing as a soft sheet of paper just come off the press you need do nothing more than twist it round. Right, said Eugenius, and is, of any outward application I would venture to recommend, the most anodyne and safe.
That greatly depends, said Eugenius, pretending ignorance of the adventure, upon the nature of the part If it is a tender part, and a part which can conveniently be wrapt up It is both the one and the other, replied Phutatorius, laying his hand as he spoke, with an emphatical nod of his head, upon the part in question, and lifting up his right leg at the same time to ease and ventilate it.
How finely we argue upon mistaken facts! There was not a soul busied in all these various reasonings upon the monosyllable which Phutatorius uttered who did not take this for granted, proceeding upon it as from an axiom, namely, that Phutatorius's mind was intent upon the subject of debate which was arising between Didius and Yorick; and indeed as he looked first towards the one and then towards the other, with the air of a man listening to what was going forwards who would not have thought the same?
But seeing Phutatorius stop short, without any attempt or desire to go on a third party began to suppose, that it was no more than an involuntary respiration, casually forming itself into the shape of a twelve-penny oath without the sin or substance of one.
Was it my case, said Gastripheres, as the main thing is the oil and lamp-black, I should spread them thick upon a rag, and clap it on directly. That would make a very devil of it, replied Yorick. It falls out very luckily, replied Phutatorius, that the second edition of my treatise de Concubinis retinendis is at this instant in the press. You may take any leaf of it, said Eugenius no matter which.
The look of something more than suspicion, which Phutatorius cast full upon Yorick as these thoughts arose, too evidently spoke his opinion and as Phutatorius was naturally supposed to know more of the matter than any person besides, his opinion at once became the general one; and for a reason very different from any which have been yet given in a little time it was put out of all manner of dispute.
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