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Updated: June 20, 2025
"Nice little nes'," he said "that settles it I thought they lined it with fur." Then he replaced the rocks and arose to go. A quarter of a mile down the road he stopped and listened. He heard his brother, Ozzie B., sobbing and weeping. Ozzie B. was his twin brother his "after clap" as Archie B. called him.
Whyncher run whyncher dodge him?" "I I wanted ter do my duty," sobbed Ozzie B. "Maw tole me ter drive drive the cows right up the road " Archie B. surveyed him with fine scorn: "When the Devil's got the road," said Archie B., "decent fo'ks had better take to the wood. I'd fixed him an' his ole dorg, an' now you come along an' spile it all." He made a cross mark in the road and spat on it.
He was a very fortunate husband. No! The eventfulness of the night originated in reflection upon the relations between Sissie and Ozzie Morfey. If thoughts could take physical shape and solidity, the events of the night would have amounted to terrible collisions and catastrophes in the devil-haunted abysses of Mr. Prohack's brain.
As things are, you'll be ten years in convincing yourself that you're really a married woman, and till the day of your death, and afterwards, society will have an instinctive feeling that there's something fishy about you, or about Ozzie. And it's your own fault." "Oh, dad! What a fraud you are!" And the girl smiled.
As Ozzie B. dozed off he heard: "Venture pee-wee under the bridge bam bam bam. Oh, Lord, you who made the tar'nal fools of this world, have mussy on 'em!" Love is love and there is nothing in all the world like it. Its romance comes but once, and it is the perfume that precedes the ripened fruit of all after life.
Of course with all my millions I couldn't hope to rival the gift which Ozzie gave you, but I might come in a pretty fair second, mightn't I?" "Dad," said she. "I must leave all that to your good taste. I'm sure that it won't let you make any attack on our independence." "Supposing that I were to find some capital for Ozzie to start in business for himself as a theatrical manager?
The next thing was that he had an absurd delusion of seeing Sissie and Charlie locked together amid the couples. He might have conquered this delusion, but it was succeeded by another, the illusion of seeing Ozzie Morfey and Eve locked together amid the couples.... Yes, they were there, all four of them. At first Mr. Prohack was amazed, as at an unprecedented coincidence.
Around he went once more, then seeing the gate open, he rushed out, knocking Ozzie B. over into the dust, and when the crowd rushed out, nothing could be seen except a cloud of dust going down the village street, in the hind most cloud of it a pair of little red coat tails flapping in the breeze.
Whereupon Sissie laughed more loudly and hysterically than ever. Mr. Prohack deemed that masculine tact should be applied. He soothed the outraged mother and tranquillised the ecstatic daughter, and then in a matter-of-fact voice asked: "And what about the date? Do let's get it over." "We must consult Ozzie," said the pacified mamma. Off went Sissie again into shrieks.
"What do you think will happen?" simpered Ozzie blandly, "having due regard to the fact that Miss Fiddle has to choose between three hundred and fifty pounds a week and a law-suit with Chown involving heavy damages? I must say there's nobody like Blaggs for keeping these three hundred and fifty pound a week individuals in order. Chown would sooner lose forty of them than lose Blaggs.
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