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Updated: June 17, 2025
It was an absolutely perfect clay, as shiny as the black ball at Pool. I took it reverently, but I was firm. 'Will you tell us about the ghost-fight if I do? I said. 'Is ut the shtory that's troublin' you? Av course I will. I mint to all along. I was only gettin' at ut my own way, as Popp Doggle said whin they found him thrying to ram a cartridge down the muzzle. Orth'ris, fall away!
"Bhoys," said the culprit, still shaking gently, "whin I've done my tale you may cry if you like, an' little Orth'ris here can thrample my inside out. Ha' done an' listen. My performinces have been stupenjus: my luck has been the blessed luck av the British Army an' there's no betther than that. I went out dhrunk an' dhrinkin' in the palanquin, and I have come back a pink god.
Yet, by way av a thank-offerin' that I was not led into felony by that wicked ould woman, I'll send a thrifle to Father Victor for the poor people he's always beggin' for." But me an' Orth'ris, he bein' Cockney, an' I bein' pretty far north, did nut see it i' t' saame way. We'd getten t' brass, an' we meaned to keep it. An' soa we did for a short time.
Pleasant is the lot of the special correspondent who falls into such hands as those of Privates Mulvaney, Ortheris, and Learoyd. 'An' that's all right, said the Irishman calmly. 'We thought we'd find you somewheres here by. Is there anything av yours in the transport? Orth'ris 'll fetch ut out.
By my reckonin' the Dearsley man won't take me; so me an' Orth'ris 'll see fair play. Jock, I tell you, 'twill be big fightin' whipped, wid the cream above the jam. Afther the business 'twill take a good three av us Jock 'll be very hurt to haul away that sedan-chair." "Palanquin." This from Ortheris. "Fwhatever ut is, we must have ut.
'An' the orf'cers av the rig'mint I was in in thim days was orf'cers gran' men, wid a manner on 'em, an' a way wid 'em such as is not made these days all but wan wan o' the capt'ns. A bad dhrill, a wake voice, an' a limp leg thim three things are the signs av a bad man. You bear that in your mind, Orth'ris, me son.
There was the sound of a gentle chuckle from the glacis where Learoyd lay. "'E expects to get 'is C'mission some day," explained Orth'ris; "Gawd 'elp the Mess that 'ave to put their 'ands into the same kiddy as 'im! Wot time d'you make it, sir? Fower! Mulvaney 'll be out in 'arf an hour. You don't want to buy a dorg, sir, do you? A pup you can trust 'arf Rampore by the Colonel's grey'ound."
But I may tell you, Orth'ris, an' you, Learoyd, that av all the palanquins ours was the most imperial an' magnificent Now a palanquin means a native lady all the world over, except whin a soldier av the Quane happens to be takin' a ride. 'Women an' priests! sez I. 'Your father's son is in the right pew this time, Terence. There will be proceedin's.
"The Headman av Lungtungpen, who surrinder'd himself, asked the Interprut'r ''Av the English fight like that wid their clo'es off, what in the wurruld do they do wid their clo'es on? Orth'ris began rowlin' his eyes an' crackin' his fingers an' dancin' a step-dance for to impress the Headman.
Hi was the man wot said, 'We'll make a few rupees off o' the business." "We hild a Council av War," continued Mulvaney, "walkin' roun' by the Artill'ry Lines. I was Prisidint, Learoyd was Minister av Finance, an' little Orth'ris here was" "A bloomin' Bismarck! Hi made the 'ole show pay."
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