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Updated: May 20, 2025
Morris looked at his bruised and oil stained hands. "Oitermobile riding!" he cried. "That's a pleasure, Abe. Believe me I'd as lief work in a rolling mill." Morris Perlmutter's front parlor represented an eclectic taste, and the fine arts had been liberally patronized in its decoration.
But, Abe, the partner which you got it to-day, Abe, that's the same partner which you got it to-morrow, and that sucker Klein, Abe, he eats me up with expenses. What that feller does with his money, Abe, I don't know." "Maybe he buys oitermobiles, Sol," Abe suggested. "Supposing I did buy last spring an oitermobile, Abe," Sol retorted. "That is the least.
"That feller Fixman never got downtown in his life before nine o'clock. He shouldn't tell me nothing like that, Mawruss, because I know Fixman since way before the Spanish war already, and that feller was always a big bluff, y'understand. Sol Klinger tells me he's got also an oitermobile." "Sol Klinger could talk all he wants, Abe," Morris replied.
"Fixman told it me that if he had the money what Klinger sinks in one stock already, Abe, he could run a dozen oitermobiles. Sure, Fixman's got an oitermobile. With the money that feller makes, Abe, he's got a right to got on oitermobile. Klinger should be careful what he tells about people, Abe. The feller will get himself into serious trouble some day. He's all the time knocking somebody.
"Why," Morris answered, "that's Miss Aaronson I mean Atkinson ain't it?" "Atkinson!" Abe yelled. "That ain't Miss Atkinson." "Then who is she?" Morris asked. "Who is she?" Abe repeated. "That's a fine question for you to ask me. You take a lady for a fifteen-dollar oitermobile ride, and spend it as much more for lunch in her, and you don't even know her name!"
Go ahead and buy your oitermobile from Pfingst and I will agree that Potash & Perlmutter should endorse the note, y'understand, only one thing besides. Pfingst has got to guarantee to us Kleebaum's account of twenty-one hundred dollars." "I'm afraid he wouldn't do it, Abe," Morris said. "All right, then I wouldn't do it neither," Abe declared.
Morris exclaimed, and Ralph Tuchman, whose protruding ears, sharp-pointed nose and gold spectacles did not belie his inquisitive disposition, ceased writing to listen more closely to Abe's story. "That's what she said, Mawruss," Abe replied; "and so I says for my part, I liked it better oitermobiles as horses." "Why, Abe," Morris cried, "you ain't never rode in an oitermobile in all your life."
"With me I bet yer if I would ride in an oitermobile once, y'understand, the least that would happen to me is I should break my neck." "How could you break your neck in a brand new car like that Pfingst car downstairs?" Kleebaum insisted. "Never mind," Abe answered, "if things is going to turn out that way, Mr. Kleebaum, you could break your neck in a baby carriage yet."
You say it yourself you lead it a dawg's life on the road. Now, here's a chance for you to enjoy yourself, Abe, and you should go. Besides, Abe, you got commercial travelers' accident insurance, and I ain't." "The oitermobile ain't coming till half-past one, Mawruss," Abe replied; "between now and then you could get it a hundred policies of accident insurance.
"What have I got to do with this here oitermobile ride, Abe?" "What have you got to do with it, Mawruss?" Abe repeated. "Why, Mawruss, I'm surprised to hear you, you should talk that way. You got everything to do with it. I'm a back number, Mawruss; I don't know nothing about selling goods to lady buyers, ain't it?
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