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Jarby's Encyclopedia of Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art is a marvelous work, including as it does the chapter on 'Fire Its Traditions How to Make a Fire Without Matches Fire Fighting Fire Extinguishers, How Made, et cetery, containing directions by which man, woman or butcher can convert lung-testers into approved fire-extinguishers at a cost of only twenty-six cents.
"The matter is, them ain't fire-extinguishers at all," said the Colonel rudely, "an' wasn't, an' never was. Them things is lung-testers, an' Sally was cheatin' Skinner when she sold 'em to him. An' the reason I'm botherin' her is that she got the money fer 'em, an' she's got to find it somehow an' pay it back. An' as for me settlin' with Skinner, I ain't got nothin' to do with it.
He asked me what a town like Kilo could do with lung-testers, and he felt awful about it. Said he couldn't bear to look at a lung-tester any more, they made him feel so ashamed, and what made it all the worse was that he had to look at them all day." "I should think they would," said the butcher heartily. "It makes me sick to see them. But why did he do it if he didn't like it?"
"I was just going to tell you that," said Eliph', putting down his book again. "You see, when he left here he went right to St. Louis, that being where his home was, and that was how he happened to have lung-testers with him when he was here. His father made them. That was his father's business. He was in the lung-tester manufacturing business.
The mayor looked puzzled, and properly, for he had never heard of lung-testers. "To test lungs," explained the editor. "To show how many pounds a man can blow; how much wind his lungs will hold; a sort of game, like pitching horseshoes. They are not worth anything to Skinner. He paid his money for them for nothing. He will have to buy four genuine fire-extinguishers now.
While we shudder with horror at the temerity of the sinners we shake with laughter as we think of their faces as they will be when they realize that they are mortals to whom the immortal bard refers when he enunciates the truth, 'What fools these mortals be!" "Certain brilliant objects" could mean nothing but the lung-testers.
Smith held the screen door wide for him to enter, and he walked into the parlor, holding his hat in his hands, and stood uneasily. "The Colonel," said Mrs. Smith pleasantly, "has told us you wish Miss Sally to return the money you paid for what she supposed were fire-extinguishers." "They was nothin' but lung-testers," said the butcher. "So it seems," said Mrs.
"Every first-class theater and opera house does, all over the United States," said Eliph'. "But the odd thing was that at the very moment the fire broke out I had this book open at page 416, 'Fire Its Traditions How to Make a Fire Without Matches Fire Fighting Fire Extinguishers, How Made. I was reading to those people how to make fire-extinguishers at home out of common chemicals and any suitable nickel-plated can, that would be as good as the best sold in any store, and right as I read it I thought how easy it would be for any man or child to turn those twenty-four useless lung-testers on the third floor into first-class fire-extinguishers, by following the simple directions set down on page 418, at a cost of only about twenty-six cents each "
Should Miss Sally take back the lung-testers, where then would his case stand? Guthrie would return the hundred dollars to Skinner. Skinner was fool enough to be satisfied with that, and Kilo, like many other towns, not wishing to besmirch herself, would hush up the whole affair. Miss Sally must not take back the lung-testers.
"All I have to say," continued the attorney, "is to refuse the Colonel, and to refuse Skinner if he comes, just as you have refused this book agent. Stick up for your rights. If they want to sue you, let them sue. You have the money now, and it is better to have that than a lot of good-for-nothing lung-testers. Once you get them on your hands you'll never get rid of them."
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