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Updated: May 14, 2025
"Hewlitt," he said, "when you told Doc about the fire-extinguishers did you tell him they were lung-testers?" The little book agent stared at the editor. "I never told," he exclaimed. "I have never said a word to Doc Weaver, nor to anyone about them. Not a word.
So there those twenty-four lung-testers stood, useless to man and beast, all in a row, doing nobody any good, and there I was on the floor below reading out of a book that would have told Bill Rossiter how to make those lung-testers worth their weight in gold, and would have saved his life. And to think he could have bought this book for the small nominal sum of "
"The fire in the theater and museum," said Eliph'. "It started right on the stairs between the second and third floors, and the old building flared up like dry paper. Two or three men that was trying the slot machines saw the smoke and run for the lung-testers, thinking by the look they were fire-extinguishers, which was the most natural mistake in the world.
The attorney smiled. This was the sort of game he enjoyed. "Don't tell about the lung-testers," he whispered, and turned to Miss Sally. "Miss Briggs," he said, "will you let this gentleman have a few minutes of your time? I want him to show you a book he has. It is a book that should be in every home. If you will give him a few minutes."
The looks of them would fool anybody, but they were lung-testers, and there that old building was, with twenty-four lung-testers in it, and not one fire-extinguisher. After that fire they passed an ordinance compelling every theater to have four fire-extinguishers." "And do they have them?" asked Skinner.
That is what they are, lung-testers, and you can pocket a loss of one hundred dollars, and buy four real fire-extinguishers now, as the ordinance tells you, and makes you!" The butcher's mouth opened and his eyes stared. He felt weakly behind him for the edge of the table, pawing uncertainly in the air. "That's all I have to say to YOU," said the attorney.
And just you keep still about those fire-extinguishers. Between you and me, those are first-class nickel-plated lung-testers, and not fire-extinguishers. But that doesn't matter. There's just about as heavy a call for fire-extinguishers in Kilo as there is for lung-testers. Can you keep still about it?"
And," he continued quickly as Skinner was about to interrupt him, "among the slot machines of which William Rossiter had charge were twenty-four lung-testers." "Twenty-four!" exclaimed Skinner. "Them St. Louis folks must like to test their lungs!" "No," said Eliph', "they don't, and that is what makes me feel so bad about William Rossiter. The St Louis people didn't care for lung-testers at all.
Certain that Eliph' had told Doc Weaver of the lung-testers, he was no less certain that the book agent had been telling Miss Sally that the nickel-plated affairs would be thrown back on her hands, and he hastened to urge resistance. "Miss Briggs," he said, "I came right in, because I knew what that book agent was here to say to you, and I wanted to warn you against him.
Skinner is after me an' I've got to pay him back them sixty dollars, or somebody'll go to jail for it. You ought to have knowed them wasn't nothin' but lung-testers, afore you set me up to sellin' 'em to Skinner, an' not let me go an' make a 'tarnal fool out of myself. But that ain't the thing now; the thing is, will you pay back them sixty dollars? I guess you'd better do it, an' do it quick.
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