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How under the sun can I or any other woman be up on a pedestal and do our own housework, cookin', washin' dishes, sweepin', moppin', cleanin' lamps, blackin' stoves, washin', ironin', makin' beds, quiltin' bed quilts, gittin' three meals a day, day after day, biled dinners and bag puddin's and mince pies and things, to say nothin' of custard and pumpkin pies that will slop over on the level, do the best you can; how could you keep 'em inside the crust histin' yourself up and down?
Hadji is smokin' a good seegar an' occasionally histin' a dhrink iv cider, an' wan iv th' ladies is playin' a guitar, an' another is singin' 'I want ye my Sulu, an' another is makin' a tidy, an' three or four hundred more ar-re sewin' patches on th' pants iv th' Hadji kids.
"You see, we was histin' de box of the young Miss and de chile, when Bill let go his holt, and I kinder let my hands slip off, when, Lor' bless you, the box busted open, an' we seen the coffin spang in the face. Says Bill, says he he's allus a reasonin', you know an', says he, 'that's a mighty narrer coffin for two; and wid that, Mr.
"That is a woman's idee," sez he, "rip up a breadth of carpet every time you want a little air, keep a man down on his knee jints the hull of the time tackin' down carpets and ontackin' 'em. Nothin' ever made a woman so happy as to see a man down on his marrer bones tackin' down a carpet, unless it is seein' him takin' it up and luggin' it outdoors, histin' it up on a line and beatin' it.
Having delivered himself of these "opinions," he rose, shook hands with mother, father, and uncle Rutherford, a long hard shake, expressive of his feelings; came into the room where the rest of us were gathered, and went through the same ceremony all round; returned to the library and repeated it, then once more back to the drawing-room for a second pumping of each arm, and finally managed to convey himself away; the last words which father heard as he closed the door behind him being, "No hitch in that histin'."
SCHWAZEY, a leadin' citizen in a state of mind which showed that he'd bin histin' in more'n his share of pizen. "Hello, old Beeswax," he bellered; "how's yer grandmams? When you goin' to feed your stuffed animils?" "What's the matter with the eminent physician?" I pleasantly inquired. "This," he said; "this is what's the matter. I'm a habit-ooal drunkard! I'm exempt!" "Jes' so."
Blame my skin ef the men folks weren't a darned sight oftener over in my grocery, sittin' on barrils and histin' in their reg'lar corn-juice, than ever any of you be here with all these modern improvements." "Ye don't catch on, any of you," returned Wynbrook impatiently.
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