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Now folks say you are a considerable of a candid man, and right up and down in your dealins, and do things above board, handsum at least so I've hearn tell. That's what I like; I love to deal with such folks. Now spose you make me an offer? You'll find me not very difficult to trade with, and I don't know but I might put off more than half of the books myself, tu. I'll tell you how I'd work it.
Fur all she's so still, she's powerful sot on fine dressin' an' rich folkses ways. Nath he once tuk her to Asheville, 'n' seems like she's kinder never got over it, but keeps a-broodin' 'bout the way they done thar, 'n' how their clothes looked, 'n' all thet. She knows she's handsum, 'n' she likes to see other folks knows it, though she never says much.
I have an eye there ain't no deceivin'. I have made it a study, and know every pint about a woman, as well as I do about a hoss; therefore, if I say so, it must be so, and no mistake. I make all allowances for the gear, and the gettin' up, and the vampin', and all that sort o' flash; but toggery won't make an ugly gall handsum, nohow you can fix it.
I have enough to do to get along by my own wit, without carry in' double. "'Where is the Prince? Didn't they say he was a comin'? Who was that went out? He don't look like the Prince; he ain't half so handsum, that feller, he looks, like a Yankee. 'Why, that was Sam Slick. 'Capital, that! What a droll feller he is; he is always so ready!
I'll ring up the handsum chamber-maid, and just fall to, and chaw her right up I'm savagerous.* 'That's cowardly, sais I, 'call the footman, pick a quarrel with him and kick him down stairs, speak but one word to him, and let that be strong enough to skin the coon arter it has killed him, the noise will wake up folks I know, and then we shall have sunthin' to eat.
He looked fine, but awkward, like a captain of militia when he gets his uniform on, to play sodger; a-thinkin' himself mighty handSUM, and that all the world is a-lookin' at him.
I have an eye there ain't no deceivin'. I have made it a study, and know every pint about a woman, as well as I do about a hoss; therefore, if I say so, it must be so, and no mistake. I make all allowances for the gear, and the gettin' up, and the vampin', and all that sort o' flash; but toggery won't make an ugly gall handsum, nohow you can fix it.
Phoebe, my dear, said he to his darter, 'bring the pipes and tobacco. As soon as the old gentleman fairly got a pipe in his mouth, I give Phoebe a wink, as much as to say, warn't that well done? That's what I call a most particular handsum fix.
No soul could tell how good it was; it was near about as handSUM as father's old genuine particular cider, and that you could feel tingle clean away down to the tip eends of your toes. 'Now, says the Major, 'I'll give you, Slick, a new wrinkle on your horn. Folks ain't thought nothin' of unless they live at Treemont: it's all the go.
He don't want no one to live but himself; and he's mighty handsum to me, sayin' my clocks are all a cheat, and that we ruinate the country, a-drainin' every drop of money out of it, a-callin' me a Yankee broom and what not. But it ain't all jist Gospel that he says.
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