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Updated: May 11, 2025
You heard about dissa case? Man nem Jan Han Sun go home his wife no can fine who mudder. Chan Tow smi' vay plou', an' say: 'Oh, my de-ah brudder, I know ole 'bout dissa case. I was to shee dissa man getta ki' in his own houses. Proud. "Magistrate dlaw glate big breff frough his pipe. Swallow smoke clea' down his stomach! Mek big cough nearny cough his top head off! an' wek oneddy!
Bye-bye, hedda ca'y dissa highrob two miles 'way down vanney, 'way up heel. Nen missiolary man lose ole his breffs, an' begin to gaps. He say, 'Mus' res'; mus' putta you down! Chan Tow kep' gloan, an' say: 'You putta me down I doan' know I die. Mus' getta home! Missiolary man say: 'Can't he'p I 'mos' exhaus'. Nen dissa highrob jump down vay well, an' say: 'We', I mus' getta home.
Getta vay disgussion. Light go out, I hang foot over' side dissa loof, an' begin fink. Maw I fink, maw getta disgussion. Bye-bye getta vay, vay disgussion. Nen tek dissa bamboo po' to shove frough dissa ho' in loof vay quier. When he shove frough, nen I ole suddenity begin push, jab, shove quick ole semma churn budder. Down below woman an' her beau begin squea', squea', ole semma rat!
Before me sits the Chinese my friend who, when the hurlyburly's done, spins me out the hours with narratives of ancient Yellowland. His name is Fuey Fong, and he speaks to me thus: "Missa Gordon, whatta is Chrisinjin Indevil Shoshiety?" I explain to him as best a journalist may the purpose of the Society for Christian Endeavour. "We', dissa morning I go down to lailload station.
You love me, you tekka dissa sharp knife and ki' him. Nen we getta marry begedder to-morrow, an' mek habby tem." "'Her beau say: "Oh, no. I fred ki' him. Fred I get behead." An' nen dissa woman getta vay mad wif him, an' say: "You doan' ki' him, I tekka dissa knife an' chot op yo' head op, instamentty!" Nen he begin tek off his mine " "Took off his mind?"
I walk ressa way leave you to res'. Goo'-by! Nen run fas' he can down dissa heel. "Missiolary man stay look him run, an' kep' fink ole tem. Nen say hisse'f: 'I fink dissa man inshinsherity. I lose ole dissa tem wif him! Whatta tem it is? Nen he search his watch. 'Oh, my! No watch; no convict! Dissa vay bad day!" The Chinese grins with the greatest pleasure.
"Yeh," says Fuey; "I do' know dissa word semma you tek off yo' clo's." "Changed his mind?" "Yeh." "'Begin to tek off chenge his mine an' say: "How I ki' him?" Woman say: "You tekka dissa sharp knife." "'Nen he clep up to dissa bed, his eye ole stick from his head.
When he allive ne' his house, say to man: 'Goo'-by! I go ressa way on footstep. Nen go vay quier on his tiptoe, and lock vay soft at his daw." Here pauses the Chinese, and looks at me. Shortly he says: "We'?" "Well?" I echo. "We', dissa last tem dissa merchan' Jan Han Sun was sheen annibe!" "Does the highrob follow him and kill him?" "No one shee any highrob.
I he'p him! So tek up Chan Tow in his arm to tek home. Chan Tow kep' gloan, gloan, an' ole dissa tem was put his han' in missiolary his pocket an' stea' dissa watch! Nen Chan Tow kep' hang on missiolary his neck an' say hisse'f: 'I lika dissa to ride better I lika to walk.
"Magistrate examine case, assa many quishuns, search bofe dissa house but can't fine who mudder dissa merchan'. Fadder-mudder-in'-aw say, 'We innocent. Daughter say, 'You liars! Her parents med declaration, 'I doan' hed mudder to any person. Two mont's go by. Can't fine who mudder. Nen daughter petition to supere court; say dissa magistrate doan' know how fine who mudder.
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