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I cud dance with th' best iv thim, me voice was that sthrong 'twas impossible to hear annywan else whin I sung 'Th' Pretty Maid Milkin' th' Cow, an' I was dhressed to kill on Sundahs. 'Twas thin I bought th' hat ye see me wear at th' picnic.
'Come just as ye ar-re, he says. ''Tis an informal rivolution, he says. "An' away he wint. At sharp five o'clock th' rivolution begun. Th' sthreets was dinsely packed with busy journalists, polis, sojers, an' fash'nably dhressed ladies who come down fr'm th' Chang's All Easy in motocycles.
"Sure, let me tell you how it was, sir, and you'll see I am quit of all harm, good or bad. 'T was a pack o' blackguards, you see, come to take off Oonah, sir." "Oh, a case of abduction!" "Yis, sir; so the women dhressed me up as a girl, and the blackguards, instead of the seduction of Oonah, only seduced me." "Capital!" cried Dick; "well done, Andy! And who seduced you?"
So be Roodyard Kipling. He doesn't come r-right out, an' say, 'Nick, ye're a liar! but he tells about what th' czar done to a man he knowed be th' name iv Muttons. Muttons, it seems, Hinnissy, was wanst a hunter; an' he wint out to take a shot at th' czar, who was dhressed up as a bear.
If it hadn't been that whin I was a boy I won th' hundred yards at th' University iv Slambang in two hours an' forty minyits, an' if it hadn't happened that I was lightly dhressed in a summer overskirt an' a thin blouse, an' if th' German hadn't stopped to steal me garters, I wudden't be here at this moment, says he. 'Was that war or wasn't it? he says.
I suppose you're a litherary gintleman, sir though you're rather ginteely dhressed for one?" "No," said Tom, "I am not." "I thought you wor, sir, by being acquainted with this other gintleman." "An acquaintance of mine!" said Tom, with surprise. "Yes, sir. In short it was through him I found out where you wor, sir.
"Luk at me in me ould age, dhressed out like a Frinch sportin' maid. If there was a baby in the house ye'd see me, Father Phil, galivantin' behind a baby-carriage up an' down the Square. Faith, she does it well, the climbin', if we don't get dizzy whin we're halfway up, an' come to earth afore all the neighbors, flatter nor pancakes."
Light work ut was, wid lashins av beer and the gurl that dhressed the orf'cers' ladies but she died in Aggra twelve years gone, an' my tongue's gettin' the betther av me. They was actin' a play thing called Sweethearts, which you may ha' heard av, an' the Colonel's daughter she was a lady's maid. The Capt'n was a boy called Broom Spread Broom was his name in the play.
He sez only, 'Portsmith Barricks an' the 'Ard av a Sunday! Thin he lay down an' rowled any ways wid laughin'. "Whin we was all dhressed, we counted the dead sivinty-foive dacoits besides wounded. We tuk five elephints, a hunder' an' sivinty Sniders, two hunder' dahs, and a lot av other burglarious thruck. Not a man av us was hurt excep' maybe the Lift'nint, an' he from the shock to his dasincy.
"'Tis not f'r thim wretched an' degraded crathers, without a mind or a shirt iv their own, f'r to give lessons in politeness an' liberty to a nation that mannyfacthers more dhressed beef than anny other imperyal nation in th' wurruld.
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