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Updated: May 15, 2025
"I I do adore you!" she exclaimed impulsively. "Of course, you d-d-don't mean that," he stammered, striving to smile. "Yes almost. Tell me, you I know you are not like other men! You never have had anything to do with a Destyn-Carr machine, have you?" "Never!" "Neither have I.... And so you are not in love are you?" "No."
It is now known the world over that Professor William Augustus Destyn has discovered that the earth we live on is enveloped in Psychical Currents. By the Destyn-Carr instrument these currents may be tapped, controlled and used to communicate between two people of opposite sex whose subconscious and psychic personalities are predestined to affinity and amorous accord.
And that, in these times, was ridiculous, because, fortified by a visit to the nearest Destyn-Carr machine, no weak-minded young sailorman would care what a Lorelei might do; and she could sing her pretty head off and comb herself bald before any Destyn-Carr inoculated mariner would be lured overboard. But Flavilla obstinately insisted on her scaled and fish-tailed costume.
In each of the thousand Louis XVI operating rooms a Destyn-Carr wireless instrument was to stand upon a rococo table. A maid to every two rooms, a physician to every ten, and smelling salts to each room, were provided for in this gigantic enterprise. Millions of circulars were being prepared to send broadcast over the United States. They read as follows: ARE YOU IN LOVE? IF NOT, WHY NOT?
Wedlock by Wireless. Marriage by Machinery. A Wondrous Wooer Without Words! No more doubt; no more hesitation; no more uncertainty. The Destyn-Carr Wireless Apparatus does it all for you. Happy Marriage Guaranteed or money eagerly refunded! Psychical Science says that for every man and woman on earth there is a predestined mate! That mate can be discovered for you by The Green Mouse, Limited.
Yates," he said, forcing a distorted smile, "I have rather abruptly decided to show you exactly how one of the Destyn-Carr instruments is supposed to work. Would you kindly stand here close by this table?" Mr. Yates, astounded, obeyed. "Now," said Mr. Carr, with a deeply creased smile, "here is the famous Destyn-Carr apparatus. That's quite right take a snapshot at it without my permission "
On the crest of it rode Cupid, bow and arrows discarded, holding aloft in his right hand a Destyn-Carr machine. For the old order of things had passed away; the old-fashioned doubts and fears of courtship were now practically superfluous.
Anybody on earth could now buy a ticket and be perfectly certain that whoever he or she might chance to marry would be the right one the one intended by destiny. Yet, strange as it may appear, there still remained, here and there, a few young people in the United States who had no desire to be safely provided for by a Destyn-Carr machine.
I do.... Please don't touch me; I'd rather not. Of course, you know, I couldn't really love you so quickly unless I'd been subjected to one of those Destyn-Carr machines. You know that, don't you? But," she added frankly, "I wouldn't like to have you get away from me. I I feel like a tender-hearted person in the street who is followed by a lost cat " "What!"
Containing a Parable Told with Such Metaphorical Skill that the Author Is Totally Unable to Understand It The Green Mouse now dominated the country; the entire United States was occupied in getting married. In the great main office on Madison Avenue, and in a thousand branch offices all over the Union, Destyn-Carr machines were working furiously; a love-mad nation was illuminated by their sparks.
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