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Updated: May 20, 2025
'You appear to be having a bad time, said I one day to a great dark bargee who was streaming from every pore, as much from bad temper as from the exertion of cracking his whip, and whose haggard horse looked as if he would soon break off in the middle from the strain of trying to move the barge, which was stuck in the weeds. 'A bad time of it! I believe you. Sacr-r-r-re!
She should be honest, patient, graceful, capable of great labour, grasping, with that wonderful capability of being greedy for the benefit of another which belongs to women, willing to accept plentiful meals and a power of saving £20 a year as sufficient remuneration for all hardships, with no more susceptibility than a milestone, and as indifferent to delicacy in language as a bargee.
But in truth there is no law about it, and to this day no man can confidently affirm that he knows to whom the river belongs. These curious anomalies are part and parcel of our political system, and as I watched the black monster slowly go by with the stream it occurred to me that grimy bargee, with his short pipe and his onions, was really the guardian of the British Constitution.
"No, sir," said he, laughing. "It is a matter of ice-breakin'." I expect I looked mystified. "Mr. Todd, sir, fished out of the water just below the Low Locks a common ordinary drunk, Robins a bargee. That was yesterday afternoon, and this morning the superintendent sends me to see how he is." I looked more blankly ignorant than before. "He's kept it dark, I see, sir.
You do not find the pitman, the dustman, or the bargee puling for bayonet exercise to make them hard, and if our nervous gentlemen were all serving the State in those capacities, they might even approach their addition sums in "Dreadnoughts" without a tremor. Besides, as Professor James added for a final inducement, the women would value them more highly.
My priestly friend was making a wide-awake hat reply by tilts; and still got his old reply that his Satanic Majesty was personally present. I did not in the least credit this assertion, any more than I accepted as proven the identity of the bargee, though I hold the impersonation in either case to be a strange psychological fact.
On this, the bargee, who was a loyal man, promised he would help them to the best of his powers; the lights were therefore extinguished, the oars drawn in, and, the tide fortunately answering, the barge glided noiselessly down under cover of night, and passed the block-house unobserved.
The latter, with tarpaulin battened snugly down over the cockpit and the seas dashing over her wash-board until she seemed under water half the time, was forging stodgily Londonwards, her bargee at the tiller smoking a placid pipe.
Paul Bargee, he said, 'and I'd remind you, Mr. Moore, that I come as an attorney on a disagreeable duty. "With that I drew back and looked at him in amazement, and said: 'What has he got to say to me? "'My client, he said, turning the words over with the tip of his tongue, 'regrets exceedingly "'Don't waste words! I said angrily. 'What are you here for?
The bargee is on shipboard he is master in his own ship he can land whenever he will he can never be kept beating off a lee-shore a whole frosty night when the sheets are as hard as iron; and so far as I can make out, time stands as nearly still with him as is compatible with the return of bed-time or the dinner-hour. It is not easy to see why a bargee should ever die.
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