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Updated: June 19, 2025
If she didn't scream, its a pity, and the more she screamed the more folks larfed, for no soul could help larfin, till one of the waiters folded her up in a table cloth.
As soon as they were fairly welded, off they sot to take the tour of Europe, and they larfed and cried, and kissed and quarrelled, and fit and made up all over the Continent, for her temper was as onsartain as the climate here rain one minit and sun the next; but more rain nor sun. "He was a fool, was Cranbery. He didn't know how to manage her. His bridle hand warn't good, I tell you.
Give it to her, I hope it is big enough to cover it. And he fell back on the bed, and larfed and coughed, and coughed and larfed, till the tears ran down his cheeks. "Yes," said Mr. Slick, "yes, Squire, this is a pretty cottage of Marm Hodgins; but we have cottages quite as pretty as this, our side of the water, arter all. They are not all like Obi Rafuses, the immigrant.
I've observed lots of things going round in the old 'bus. Most folks believe in nothing. What's the good of 'em? Move mountains? They're paralytic in front of a dunghill. I know what I'm talking about, bless yer. Now you come along believing in yer 'igh-born parents. I larfed, knowing as who yer parents were. But you believed, and I had to let you believe.
What will you charge, sir," I continued, "to throw some soul into my fence?" My daughter went out of the room in very short meeter, takin' the artist with her, and from the emphatical manner in which the door slam'd, I concluded she was summat disgusted at my remarks. She closed the door, I may say, in ITALICS. I went into the closet and larfed all alone by myself for over half an hour.
And she give me all she had on her her clothes, and a bite of bread and bacon, and two pence. And it wasn't as if we was pals. I'd never seen her afore. She stuck at nothing, and she only larfed at the risk, for they'd have shut her up for certain if they'd caught her. She said she'd manage some'ow.
"Such a pair o' fools you never saw, Squire, since the last time you shaved afore a lookin' glass; and the stable boys larfed, and he larfed, and I larfed, and it was the only larf I had all that juicy day.
At larst I got a interview with Jefferson Davis, the President of the Southern Conthieveracy. He was quite perlite, and axed me to sit down and state my case. I did it, when he larfed and said his gallunt men had been a little 2 enthoosiastic in confisticatin my show. "Yes," sez I, "they confisticated me too muchly.
I larfed at my wife's waterfall, which indoosed that superior woman to take it off and heave it at me rather vilently; and as there was about a half bushil of it, it knockt me over, and give me pains in my body which I hain't got over yit. The orkistry struck up a toon, & I asked the Usher to nudge me when Mr. Pogue cum on the stage to act.
'How do you mean to get away, Rube? 'Easy enough, Rube said carelessly. 'Get our hands loose first, then our legs, then kill them fellows and make tracks. Now it ain't very often that I larf out. I don't suppose I've larfed right out three times since I was a boy; but Rube's coolness tickled me so that I larfed out like a hyena. When I began, Rube he began; and when he larfed it was tremendous.
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