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Updated: June 9, 2025
The speakers hurled at the Gazette the pet terms they usually and properly reserve for each other. The too flattering terms which in a moment of weakness I applied to Tuam and its people are described as "lying, hellish, mendacious misrepresentations." Misther MacCormack said the English people would know there was "not a wurrud of thruth in these miserable lies."
They have no wires or poles or wathered stock but th' population is so thick that whin they want to sind wurrud along th' line all they have to do is f'r wan man to nudge another an' something happens in Northern Chiny is known in Southern Indya befure sunset.
"Hurrah!" shouted Felix, who was looking over the bow at the bridge of pines; and the cry was repeated by the rest of the cabin party, and taken up by the sailors. "Bully for you, Captain Scott! Upon me wurrud, ye's have skinned the muskitty!"
Hennessy, "if they are; but I don't b'lieve wan wurrud ye tol' me." "Well," said Mr. Dooley, "if they ain't both frinds, wan iv thim is. An', annyhow, I'm glad to know Tom Reed ain't thryin' to break into jail." "Ol' man Donahue bought Molly a pianny las' week," Mr. Dooley said in the course of his conversation with Mr. McKenna.
"Well, wan night, th' fellow was settin' down f'r a bite to eat with Lady O , an' Lady S , an' Lady G , an' Lady Y , an' other ladies that had lost their names, an' says wan iv thim, 'Cap, she says, 'ar-re ye goin' to Asthor's doin's tonight? she says. 'Not that I know iv, says th' Cap. 'He hasn't sint me anny wurrud that I'm wanted, he says. 'What differ does it make, says th' lady.
"Annyhow he's a mere Hussar and must be rimonsthrated wid for darin' to assault and batther a Dhraghoon an' him dhrunk, poor bhoy. Say the wurrud, Matty.
Just before Slane got his promotion I sez to him, 'Slane, sez I, 'to-morrow 'twill be insubordinashin av me to chastise you; but, by the sowl av Ould Pummeloe, who is now in glory, av you don't give me your wurrud to ask Jhansi McKenna at wanst, I'll peel the flesh off yer bones wid a brass huk to-night, 'Tis a dishgrace to B Comp'ny she's been single so long! sez I. Was I goin' to let a three-year-ould preshume to discoorse wid me my will bein' set?
Whin all me marrid frinds is off to wurruk pound in' th' ongrateful sand an' wheelin' th' rebellyous slag, in th' heat iv th' afthernoon, ye can see ye'er onfortchnit bachelor frind perambulatin' up an' down th' shady side iv th' sthreet, with an umbrelly over his head an' a wurrud iv cheer fr'm young an' old to enliven his loneliness." "But th' childher?" asked Mr. Hennessy slyly.
'I do not wish to be harsh, says he, 'but if I wanted to charackterize these here nature writers, I wud use a much shorter an' uglier wurrud thin liar, if I cud think iv wan, which I cannot. Ye take, f'r example, What's-his-name. Has this man iver been outside iv an aviary? I doubt it. Here he has a guinea pig killin' a moose be bitin' it in th' ear.
I know more thin most iv thim la-ads down below; f'r I can't undherstand a wurrud ye say, so I'm onable, I says, 'f'r to make mistakes. I won't give anny tistimony, because 'twud be out iv place in this sacred timple devoted to th' practice iv orathry, I says; 'but I can make as good a speech as annywan, an' here goes. "Gin'ral Merceer 'May I ask this polluted witness wan question?
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