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Updated: June 9, 2025
Sare a pax vobiscum is there f'r thim that's huddled in th' ol' hack, sthragglin' home in th' dust to th' empty panthry an' th' fireless grate. "Mind ye, Jawn, I've no wurrud to say again thim that sets back in their own house an' lot an' makes th' food iv th' people dear. They're good men, good men.
"'Ye'll foind her in the barrun, sez Oi, 'though Oi hate to hev yez disturb her slapin'. It makes her drame an' that's bad fur the milk. "An' next thing them two robbers wuz laffin' at each other fur fools. Then the little wan sez: "'Now, Granny, we'll lave ye in pace, if ye'll niver say a wurrud o' this' but the other wan seemed kind o' sulky.
"I tould yez, sor, I wouldn't touch a dhrop ov the craythur, maynin' whisky, sure," he said, with a miserable attempt at a grin; for he felt very much humiliated at losing his stripes, Macan sober being quite a different man to Macan drunk. "An' faix I niver bruk me wurrud at all, at all, I'll swear, sor." "How can you have the face to deny it, man?" cried the doctor, angrily.
"'I thought it was a thrile, says th' Cap; 'but, be th' number iv vet'ran journalists here, it must be th' openin' iv a new hotel. "'Not another wurrud, says th' coort, 'or ye'll be fired out. No wan shall insult th' honest, hard-wurrukin', sober, sensible journalists iv Fr-rance. Not if this coort knows it. Ye bet ye, boys, th' coort is with ye. Th' press is th' palajeen iv our liberties.
"I don't believe wan wurrud iv what's in th' pa-apers about Chiny," said Mr. Hennessy. "Well," said Mr. Dooley, "if ye believe annything ye'll believe ivrything. 'Tis a grand contist that's goin' on between Westhren an' Easthren civilliezation. 'Tis a joke iv me own, Hinnissy, an' ye'd undherstand it if ye knew spellin.
"Sure, no," cried the captain. "I forgot to say a wurrud about stirrup-leathers across his back if he didn't behave himself." "Fate is against us for the present, my boy," continued my father, "and you must ride with this party till I have applied to the proper quarters to get the matter righted."
F'r in front iv each iv these war-battered vethrans shtud a bottle, in some cases bar'ly half filled with a brownish-yellow flood with bubbles on top iv it. What was it, says ye? Hardened as I am to dhrink iv ivry kind, I hesitate to mention th' wurrud. But concealment is useless. 'Twas beer.
Now it is notoryous to anny lover iv th' wilds, anny man with a fondness f'r these monarchs iv forests, that no moose can be kilt be a wound in th' ear. I have shot a thousand in th' ear with no bad effects beyond makin' thim hard iv hearin'. "'Here is a book befure me be wan iv these alleged nature writers. This is a man whose name is a household wurrud in Conneticut.
He remained perfectly cool throughout. So did I. I was almost cold. So did both iv us. But, mind not a wurrud iv this in th' pa-apers. I don't know how th' rayporthers got hold iv it. But they're a pryin' lot." "How did th' mast come to fall?" asked Mr. Hennessy, eagerly. "D'ye suppose Sir Lipton is wan iv us?" "S-sh," said Mr. Dooley, adding, softly, "he was bor-rn in Limerick."
I find that th' soul iv our late laminted frind weighed a light three pounds avirdoopoise. "No, sir, it won't do. 'Twill niver be popylar. People won't have their souls weighed. I wudden't f'r all th' wurruld have th' wurrud go through th' ward: 'Did ye hear about Dooley's soul? 'No, what? 'They had to get an expert accountant to figure its weight, it was that puny.
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