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He's with his frinds an' they're manny iv thim an' he's rowlin' th' beer kegs himsilf an' Westhren Civilization is down in th' laundhry wondhrin' whin th' police'll come along."

"Thin a la-ad runs down with a chain an' a small glass on three sticks an' a gang iv section men that answers to th' name iv Casey, an' pro- ceeds f'r to put down a railroad. 'What's this f'r? says I. 'We ar-re th' advance guard iv Westhren Civilization, he says, 'an we're goin' to give ye a railroad so ye can go swiftly to places that ye don't want to see, he says.

An' we're to th' flure." "That's th' way it stands in Chiny, Hinnissy, an' it looks to me as though Westhren Civilization was in f'r a bump. I mind wanst whin a dhrunk prize fighter come up th' r-road and wint to sleep on Slavin's steps. Some iv th' good sthrong la-ads happened along an' they were near bein' at blows over who shud have his watch an' who shud take his hat.

"I don't believe wan wurrud iv what's in th' pa-apers about Chiny," said Mr. Hennessy. "Well," said Mr. Dooley, "if ye believe annything ye'll believe ivrything. 'Tis a grand contist that's goin' on between Westhren an' Easthren civilliezation. 'Tis a joke iv me own, Hinnissy, an' ye'd undherstand it if ye knew spellin.

'We're th' riprisintatives iv Westhren Civilization, he says, 'an' 'tis th' business iv Westhren Civilization to cut up th' belongings iv Easthren Civilization, he says. 'Be off, he says, 'or I'll pull ye'er hair, he says. 'Well, says I, 'this thing has gone far enough, I says.

Th' Westhren civilization, Hinnissy that's us is a pretty good liar, but he's a kind iv rough-an'-tumble at it. He goes in head down, an' ivry lie he tells looks like all th' others. Ye niver see an Englishman that had anny judgment in lyin'. Th' corryspondint iv th' Daily Pail is out iv his class. He's carryin' lies to Lieville.

Millyons iv years befure th' first white man set fut in Milwaukee th' Japs undhershtud th' mannyfacther iv patent wringers, sewin'-masheens, reapers, tillyphones, autymobills, ice-cream freezers, an' all th' other wondhers iv our boasted Westhren divilopement. "Their customs showed how highly they'd been civvylized.

'Whin ye get among th' Chinee, he says, 'raymimber that ye ar-re the van guard iv Christyanity, he says, 'an' stick ye'er baynet through ivry hated infidel ye see, he says. 'Lave thim undherstand what our westhren civilization means, he says, 'an' prod thim good an' hard, he says. 'Open their heads with ye'er good German swords to Eu-ropyan culture an' refinement, he says.

As with us, on'y th' lower classes engaged in business. Th' old arrystocracy distained to thrade but started banks an' got all th' money. Th' poor man had a splendid chance. He cud devote his life to paintin' wan rib iv a fan, f'r which he got two dollars, or he cud become a cab horse. An' even in th' wan branch iv art that Westhren civvylization is supposed to excel in, they had us beat miles.