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Updated: May 27, 2025
Trimalchio abash'd at the challenge; "My friends," said he, "even servants are men; and however oppress'd by ill luck, sucked the same milk our selves did; and for mine, it shall not be long e're I make them free without prejudice to my self: to be short, I enfranchise all of them by my last will and testament.
Trimalchio arbitrated their difference, but neither would abide by his decision, and each one smashed the other's jar with a club. Perturbed at the insolence of these drunken ruffians, we watched both of them narrowly, while they were fighting, and then, what should come pouring out of the broken jars but oysters and scallops, which a slave picked up and passed around in a dish.
Trimalchio, a trim finical humorist has a clock in his dining-room, and one on purpose to let him know how many minutes of his life he had lost." We therefore drest our selves carefully, and Gito willingly taking upon him the part of a servant, as he had hither to done, we bade him put our things together, and follow us to the bath.
Trimalchio sat himself up on his cushion and intoned in Latin, from a book, while the actors, in accordance with their conceited custom, recited their parts in the Greek language.
One was called Cerdo business , Trimalchio informed us, the other Lucrio luck and the third Felicio profit and, when all the rest had kissed a true likeness of Trimalchio, we were ashamed to pass it by. After they had all wished each other sound minds and good health, Trimalchio turned to Niceros.
Ascyltos was just starting in to answer this indictment when Trimalchio, who was delighted with his fellow-freedman's tirade, broke in, "Cut out the bickering and let's have things pleasant here. Let up on the young fellow, Hermeros, he's hot-blooded, so you ought to be more reasonable. The loser's always the winner in arguments of this kind.
"Neither," said the cook, "but left you by Pansa's testament." "See then," said Trimalchio, "that you dress it as it should be, or I'll send you to the galleys." On which the cook, advertised of his power, went into the kitchin to mind his charge.
The text, as we possess it, may be divided into three divisions: the first and last relate the adventures of Encolpius and his companions, the second, which is a digression, describes the Dinner of Trimalchio.
But as for Trimalchio, "What the hell's next?" he gritted out, "this Syrian dancing-whore don't remember anything! I took her off the auction block and made her a woman among her equals, didn't I? And here she puffs herself up like a frog and pukes in her own nest; she's a blockhead, all right, not a woman.
In the mean time while he was squandering his heap at play, and we were yet picking a relish here and there, a cupboard was brought in with a basket, in which was a hen carved in wood, her wings lying round and hollow, as sitting on brood; when presently the consort struck up, and two servants fell a searching the straw under her, and taking out some peahens eggs, distributed them among the company: At this Trimalchio changing countenance, "I commanded my friends," said he "the hen to be set with peahens eggs; and so help me Hercules, am afraid they may be half hatcht: however we'll try if they are yet suppable."
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