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Updated: May 27, 2025
"How came you to know her?" quoth Trimalchio; "for till she has gotten her plate together, and distributed what we leave among the servants, not a sip of any thing goes into her mouth."
"One of my slaves shaves his first beard today," Trimalchio remarked, at length, "a promising, honest, thrifty lad; may he have no bad luck, so let's get our skins full and stick around till morning." He had not ceased speaking when a cock crowed!
But Trimalchio quite contrary; "for," said he, "what am I the better for this graceless buttock? 'Tis well known I took her out of a bawdy-house, and made her an honest woman, but now blown up like a frog she bespatters herself; a very block, no woman: But this poor boy born in a hovel, never dreams of palaces.
"Then for Trimalchio, he has more lands than a crow can fly over; monies upon monies: There lies more silver in his porters lodge, than any one man's whole estate. In brief, there is not one of those fools about him, but he can turn him into a cabbage-stalk.
"Say you so," quoth Habinas, "nor am I afraid to make two days of one"; and therewith got up barefoot and follow'd Trimalchio. I on the other hand turning to Ascyltos, asked him what he thought of it, for "if I but see the bath I shall swoon away." "Let's lagg behind then," said he, "and whilst they are getting in, we'll slip off in the crowd."
I took it at first to have been a company of tumblers, and that the hogs, as the manner is, were to have shewn us some tricks in a ring, till Trimalchio breaking my expectation, "Which of them," said he, "will ye have for supper? for cocks, pheasants, and the like trifles are but country fare, but my cooks have coppers will boil a calf whole;" and therewith commanding a cook to be called for, he prevented our choice by ordering him to kill the largest, and with a loud voice, asked him, Of what rank of servants in that house he was? to which he answering, of the fortieth: "Were you bought," said the other, "or born in my house?"
Seeing that we were rather depressed at the prospect of busying ourselves with such vile fare, Trimalchio urged us to fall to: "Let us fall to, gentlemen, I beg of you, this is only the sauce!" While he was speaking, four dancers ran in to the time of the music, and removed the upper part of the tray.
Larva also means a skeleton, and Trimalchio, following the Egyptian custom, has one brought in and placed on the table during his famous feast. It is, as one would expect, of silver, and the millionaire freedman points the usual moral "Let us eat, drink, and be merry, for to-morrow we die."
Call that cook in here immediately!" When the crestfallen cook stood at the table and owned up that he had forgotten to bowel him, "So you forgot, did you?" Trimalchio shouted, "You'd think he'd only left out a bit of pepper and cummin, wouldn't you? Off with his clothes!" The cook was stripped without delay, and stood with hanging head, between two torturers.
All of us echoed the applause which was started by the servants, and fell to upon these exquisite delicacies, with a laugh. "Carver," cried Trimalchio, no less delighted with the artifice practised upon us, and the carver appeared immediately.
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