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Updated: June 26, 2025
If he was a waiter, he'd be wurrukin' at th' thrade. Look at th' jaw iv him! It's like a paving block. "Does Fitz believe in di-plomacy? Not him. He sets there in his office in Havana, smokin' a good see-gar, an' a boy comes in an' tells him they've jugged an American citizen. He jams his hat down on his eyes, an' r-rushes over to where Gin'ral Blanco has his office.
"It's a shame an' a scandal," others said, "that a young fella who can't read his own name shud marry sich a nice girl wi' sich larnin'." Jamie made some defense but it wasn't convincing. "Doesn't the Bible say maan an' wife are wan?" he asked Mrs. Gilmore in discussing the question with her. "Aye." "Well, when Anna an' me are wan won't she haave a thrade an' won't I haave an education?"
In fact it sildom costs me annything but now an' thin th' thrade iv a customer that I give a bottle iv pop to whin he ast f'r a gin sour, not knowin' that at th' minyit I was whilin' me time away in th' Greek islands or climbin' Mount Vesoovyous. I don't have to carry anny baggage. I don't pay anny railroad fares. I'm not bothered be mosquitoes or rain.
It took me some time to find it, and when I did find it, it wasn't it, but the one that belonged to the red gintlemen. "There was little difference atwixt the two and I thought the best thing was to make a thrade, and just as I thought that I spied another canoe coming along the shore as though it was looking for something.
Mulrooney, taking "omne ignotum pro horribili," became perfectly beside herself at the unlucky phrase. "I'm what? repate it av ye dare, and I'll tear yer eyes out? Ye dirty bla guard, to be lying there at yer ease under the blankets, grinning at me. What's your thrade answer me that av it isn't to wait on the ladies, eh?" "Oh, the woman must be mad," said Sir Stewart.
Think of that, will ye? D'ye suppose a sultan or a king that knew his thrade wud iver let anny wan take a snap-shot iv him? Did ye iver hear iv Alexander th' Gr-reat or Napoleon Bonyparte havin' a snap-shot took iv him? No, sir.
"Bedad, sorr," said he to father in his raciest brogue, and with that suspicion of mirth which seemed always to hover about his left eye, "it wor quite a plisure, sure, to sarve him; for he's the foorst lad I iver came across as took so koindly to the thrade.
'Don't put in your prate, says he; 'you ignorant sthrap, says he. 'You're vulgar, woman you're vulgar mighty vulgar; but I'll have nothin' more to say to any dirty snakin' thrade again divil a more waivin' I'll do. 'Oh, Thady dear, and what'll the children do then? 'Let them go play marvels, says he. 'That would be but poor feedin' for them, Thady.
I got an eight-year-old boy, an' if he cudden't take a baseball club an' go in an' bate that Spanish fleet into junk in twinty minyits I'd call him Alger an' thrade him off f'r a bicycle, he says. 'I guess that's r-right. They say he was a purty tough man befure he left Wash'n'ton. 'Sure he was.
Why, be Hivens, whin th' Young Turks come to search th' palace, like th' pathrites they ar-re, to find if he'd left anny money behind, divvle th' thrace they found iv annything that I'd thrade f'r me back room. I begun to feel sorry f'r th' poor old miscreent.
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