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Updated: May 4, 2025
"It's doin' instead of talkin'. I reckon you're one o' the talkin' kind, so deafened by the sound o' your own splutterin' that you can't hear any one else. It's a pity, too, that you don't learn somethin' yourself before you set others to learnin'." "Are you trying to teach me?" snapped the traveler.
Ay, 'twas a pretty pictur', the greasy yellow stuff runnin' down over his powdered hair an' lace collar an' fine blue coat. My eye! there was a rare old shindy, the cadet cursin' and splutterin', the others laughin' fit to bust 'emselves. The cadet out with his fists, but there, 'twas no manner o' use. Mr. Clive bowled him over like a ninepin till he lay along deck all pea soup an' gore.
When I bursts on the scene, the Colonel starts for me, splutterin' an' makin' noises an' p'intin' at Jerry, who stands thar with an air of innocence. The Colonel's upper lip hangs down queer, like an ant- eater's, an' he can't talk. It's all mighty amazin'. "'What's all this toomult about? I says.
Stumps is splutterin' behind us like a grampus. If you'll hold on a bit an' listen you'll hear him. He's a bad swimmer, and it's all he can do to save hisself. If he only knowed he could reach bottom with his long legs, he'd find it easier. Not quite so tight, Sammy, my boy, and keep off the wind-pipe so; you're quite safe, my lad.
The noise water makes in tumblin' over stones in a brook, a splutterin' like a toothless old woman scoldin' with a mouthful of hot tea in her lantern cheek, is called the voice of natur speaking in the stream.
"Sais I to myself, 'A joke is a joke, if it tante carried too far, but this critter win be strangled, as sure as a gun, if he lays here splutterin' this way much longer. So I jist gives the hoss a dab in the mouth, and made him git up; and then sais I, 'Prince, sais I, for I know'd him by his beard, he had one exactly like one of the old saint's heads in an Eyetalian pictur, all dressed to a pint, so sais I, 'Prince, and a plaguy handsum man he is too, and as full of fun as a kitten, so sais I, 'Prince, and what's better, all his officers seemed plaguy proud and fond of him too; so sais I, 'Prince, voila le condition of one colonist, which, sais I, 'Prince, means in English, that leftenant is jist like a colonist.
He don't get a chance to finish; for this is right where Hunk Burley, that I'd almost forgot was in the room, suddenly kicks into the debate. I'd felt one or two tugs at my coat; but this last one was so vigorous it nearly whirls me around. And as I turns I finds him blinkin' and splutterin' excited, like he'd swallowed his cigar. "Eh?" says I. "What's troublin' you, Hunk?"
"Sais I to myself, 'A joke is a joke, if it tante carried too far, but this critter win be strangled, as sure as a gun, if he lays here splutterin' this way much longer. So I jist gives the hoss a dab in the mouth, and made him git up; and then sais I, 'Prince, sais I, for I know'd him by his beard, he had one exactly like one of the old saint's heads in an Eyetalian pictur, all dressed to a pint, so sais I, 'Prince, and a plaguy handsum man he is too, and as full of fun as a kitten, so sais I, 'Prince, and what's better, all his officers seemed plaguy proud and fond of him too; so sais I, 'Prince, voila le condition of one colonist, which, sais I, 'Prince, means in English, that leftenant is jist like a colonist.
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