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Updated: May 8, 2025
If only all that were truly hidden from him, if he dare not in his heart convict her of anything save perfection in a gay, imprudent rôle, what a weight lifted, what relief, what hot self-contempt cooled!
"Very well," she said, briefly. "I understand you. I turn in here. Good-night!" "Just a second!" he said, detaining her. "You won't hurt me with any of them, Ward or the girl, or the father?" The girl's lips curled with distaste. "No," she said, tonelessly. "The look implies that you despise me!" Royal said, smiling. "Oh, not YOU!" she said, in a tone of self-contempt.
But that feeling of self-contempt soon passed she was no better and no worse than other women of her set, she thought after all, what had she to be ashamed of? Nothing, except except perhaps, her "little affair" with "Lennie." A new emotion now stirred her blood one of malice and hatred, mingled with a sense of outraged love and ungratified passion for she still admired Philip to a foolish excess.
And then he began something about a young man chained to his rock, which was a star-gazer's tower, a prey by turns to ambition, and lonely self-contempt and unwholesome scorn of the life he looked down upon after the serenity of the firmament, and endless questionings that led him nowhere, and now he had only one more question to ask. He loved her. Would she break his chain?
He had read the report which was wholly in her favour, even the church working party of the village in which she was living being unable to rake up any charge against her with an unutterable sense of shame and self-contempt, and then had thrust it hurriedly into the fire; but instead of bringing him peace it gave him another memory to brood over, and at times to try and drown.
"Oh, he's all right," Maurice said; he didn't like "it" although, if it hadn't been for "it" he would probably, long before this, have slipped down into the mere comfort of Lily; "it" held him prisoner in self-contempt; "it," or perhaps the larger It? the It which he had seen first in his glorious, passionately selfish ecstasy on his wedding day; then glimpsed in the awful orderliness of the universe, the It that held the stars in their courses!
Believe me I shall not be a hindrance to you." He took in his own the little fluttering hand, and held it in what he believed to be a quiet friendly clasp. It was an immense relief to unburden his mind to any one, and her approval was very sweet to a heart that had been torn for weary days and nights by self-accusation and self-contempt.
The people, I have said, are not so lost in self-contempt as to undervalue their best men, but it must be admitted that they rarely produce young fellows wearing the undeniable chieftain's stamp, and the rarity of one like Robert lent a hue of sadness to him in their thoughts. Fortune, moreover, the favourer of Nic Sedgett, blew foul whichever the way Robert set his sails.
Although these may be better than nothing, yet they can never afford principles dictated by reason, which must have their source wholly a priori and thence their commanding authority, expecting everything from the supremacy of the law and the due respect for it, nothing from inclination, or else condemning the man to self-contempt and inward abhorrence.
"The enemy has retreated, bag and baggage," said Denys: and handed in the trembling fair, who, sitting down, apologized to her guests for her foolish fears, with so much earnestness, grace, and seeming self-contempt, that, but for a sour grin on his neighbour's face, Gerard would have been taken in as all the other strangers were.
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