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Well is it histhory we are to begin wid? If it is, come on advance. I'm ready for you in protection wid my guards up." "Ha, ha, ha! Well, if he isn't the drollest crathur, an' so cute! But now for the histhory. Can you prove to me, upon a clear foundation, the differ atween black an' white, or prove that Phadrick Murray here, long life to him, is an ass?
"Katty, sir, sent you this," said Phadrick, "as a pocket handkerchy; an' be gorra, Mither Denis, if you begin at this corner, an' take it out o' the face, it'll last you six months at a time, any how." Another neighbor came with a cool of rendered lard, hoping it might be serviceable. "Norah, sir," said the honest friend who brought it, "sent you a' crock of her own lard.
You're a disgrace to the human sex by your superciliousness of knowledge, an' your various quotations of ignorance. Ignorantia, Phadrick, is your date an' superscription. Now, stretch out your ears, till I probate, or probe to you the differ atween black an' white." "Phadrick!!" said the father. "I'm listenin'." "Now, Phadrick, here's the griddle, an' here's a clane plate.
Now, Phadrick, you quadruped, the case of conscience is, whether Parra Ghastha has a right to make restitution to Barny Branagan for the loss of his goats, or Barny Branagan to Parra Ghastha for the loss of his mare?" "Bedad, that's a puzzler!" "Isn't it, Phadrick? But wait till you hear how he'll clear it up! Do it for Phadrick, Dinny."
Death alive! there's no use in punchin' my sides wid your feet that way." "Well, get up now an' set your ears." "Now listen to him, Phadrick!" "It was one night in winter, when all nature shone in the nocturnal beauty of tenebrosity: the sun had set about three hours before; an', accordin' to the best logicians, there was a dearth of light.
Fadher, never, attimpt to argue or display your ignorance wid me again. But, moreover, I can probate you to be an ungrammatical man from your own modus of argument." "Go an, avourneen. Phadrick!!" "I'm listenin'. The sorra's no match for his cuteness, an' one's puzzled to think where he can get it all."
"The sorra taste, man alive; I never seen anything in my whole life so clearly of a color as they are both this minute." "Don't you see now, Phadrick, that there's not the smallest taste o' differ in them, an' that's accordin' to Euclid." "Sure enough, I see the divil a taste o' differ atween the two." "Well, Phadrick, that's the point settled.
"I tould you, Phadrick!! There's the boy that can rattle off the high English, and the larned Latin, jist as if he was born wid an English Dictionary in one cheek, a Latin Neksuggawn in the other, an Doctor Gallagher's Irish Sarmons nately on the top of his tongue between the two."
We hear of him at Craig Phadrick, near Inverness; at Skye, at Tiree, and other islands; we hear of him receiving visits from his old monks of Derry and Durrow; returning to Ireland to decide between rival chiefs; and at last dying at the age of seventy-seven, kneeling before the altar in his little chapel of Iona a death as beautiful as had been the last thirty-four years of his life; and leaving behind him disciples destined to spread the light of Christianity over the whole of Scotland and the northern parts of England.
Now, Phadrick, listen, for you must decide betune us." "Orra, have you no other larnin' than that to argue upon? Sure if you call upon me to decide, I must give it agin Dinny. Why my judgment won't be worth a hap'orth, if he makes an ass of me!" "What matther how you decide, man alive, if he proves you to be one; sure that is all we want.
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