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Updated: June 19, 2025
"Yis, mum, indeed I did." "But why have you brought back the two cents I gave you for the stamp?" "Sure, I didn't have to use it, mum," replied Mary. "I slipped th' letther into th' box whin nobody was lukin'." He Couldn't Very Well A husband was being arraigned in court in a suit brought by his wife for cruelty.
"What in the world has happened? Is it goin' up to Brophys' ye are? I hope herself's not sick or anything." "Not at all; but Dan looked in on his way from town, an' says he, 'I've a letther in my pocket that the postmisthress is afther givin' me, an' it's from America, he says, 'but I'm sure I couldn't tell ye who wrote it, says he.
"Some sind-off! well! time wint on, an' wan day I gets a letther from me ould friend, Ginger Johnson, who was stationed there tu, tellin' me all th' news. Nobby, sez he, was doin' fine, fat as a hog, an' happy as a coon in a melun patch. Wan day, sez he, a buck av th' name av Wampy Jones comes a runnin' inta th' Post, wid th' face av a ghost an' th' hair av um shtickin shtraight up.
A dillygation iv Mormons has started fr'm dimmycratic headquarthers to thank Mack f'r his manly stand in favor iv poly-gamy an' th' raypublican comity has undher con-sideration a letther fr'm long term criminals advisin' their colleagues at large to vote f'r Willum Jennings Bryan, th' frind iv crime."
"O musha, Masther Phil agrah! but this will be the great day intirely, when I send off the news, which I would, barrin' I can't write, to the lady your mother and your sisters at Castle Fogarty; and 'tis his Riv'rence Father Luke will jump for joy thin, when he reads the letther!
"'Well, said the spokesman, 'will you give that letther, handin' me this, 'to Mr. M'Carthy?" and as the pedlar spoke he placed the note in M'Carthy's hands. "'Do so, says the fellow, 'as soon as you can if possible, widout an hour's delay. It consarns himself and it consarns me can I depend on you to do this? I said I would: and now there's the letther -my message is delivered."
Here I paused, f'r I had no samples iv th' Cap's writin' to compare with it. So I wrote wan mesilf. They was much th' same. "Sure," says I, "th' Cap's guilty," I says. But how did he do it? I thried a number iv experiments. I first laid down over th' letther a piece of common tissue paper. Th' writin' was perfectly plain through this. Thin I threw it on a screen eighteen hands high.
'It's Choosdah, th' fourth iv July; Winsdah, th' eighth iv October, an' Thursdah, the sivinteenth iv March, he says. 'Pathrick's day, says th' sicrety iv state. 'Thrue f'r ye, says Woo. 'What year? says Jawn Hay. 'The year iv th' big wind, says Woo. 'Good, says John Hay, 'proceed with ye'er story. 'Here's th' letther, says Woo.
Th' letther was sint through th' postal authorities an' as they have established no post-office in Aggynaldoo's hat they cudden't deliver it an' they opened it.
It minds me of a letther her ladyship at the castle aksed me to take to the posht, and her in a hurry; begob, but the paper's thick and good entoirely!" and he rubbed it softly between his finger and thumb. "Shure 'tis from London itself, and maybe the one as wrote it is some friend o' Eily's.
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