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Updated: May 2, 2025
Mamie, bring me that whisk broom. 'Ma'am, says I, when she'd finished the job and added a little pat to my necktie, 'my name is Hubbs. It's a homely name, and I'm a homely man; but if there's any chance of ever persuadin' you to be Mrs. Nelson Hubbs, I'll stick around this town until the crack of doom. 'Now don't be foolish, says she. 'Run along. I'm busy. Wa'n't so encouragin', was it?
But he was short on a three-fifteen delivery, and he had to put up the extra five. "Stick to that rule," Steele advises Hubbs. "Ask 'em ten points more than outside quotations." What really got things goin', though, was when some of the stock clerks and bookkeepers, who'd heard and talked nothin' but Gopher these last two days, begun buyin' lots outright and turnin' 'em in for deeds.
Hubbs, to place a force upon the island to protect them from the Indians as well as the oppressive interference of the authorities of the Hudsons Bay Company at Victoria with their rights as American citizens."
"That's only part of my scheme," says Hubbs. "The rest I worked out between the time I got word from this Mr. Steele and the day I left for New York. Up to then I hadn't thought of comin' East to boost Gopher; but the letter settled me. 'I'm goin' on, says I to Mrs. Whipple, 'and if Gopher ain't on the map when I come back, I'll never ask you again to change your name to Hubbs.
But the good brethren were not discouraged, and pushed forward the work. Beloit has been highly favored in her Pastors, among whom may be found such men as A.P. Allen, I.M. Leihy, J.M. Walker, P.S. Bennett, S.W. Ford, J.W. Wood, John Nolan, R.M. Beach, C. Scammon, W. Lattin, P.B. Pease, C.D. Pillsbury, W.P. Stowe, L.L. Knox, W.W. Case, C.R. Pattee, A.C. Higgins, and G.S. Hubbs.
They had a heap of fun with Hubbs and his Gopher proposition, Hubbs of Gopher, U.S.A. They printed pictures of him playin' the accordion, and interviews reproducin' his descriptive gems about "the banks of the pellucid Pinto," and such. But you never can tell how a comedy stab is goin' to turn out.
Hubbs shakes his head and starts pacin' up and down in front of the window. He hadn't done more'n three laps, though, before in blows a messenger boy and hands him a telegram. "We-e-e-yow!" yells Hubbs. "Hey, Shorty, it's come doggoned if it ain't come! Look at that!" It was a brief bulletin, but full of meat. It runs like this: Good work, Nelson. You've done it. Gopher's on the map.
Spooner, Judge Twiddler's nephew, left college, he made up his mind to enter the ministry and become a missionary. One day he met Captain Hubbs; and when he mentioned that he thought of going out as a missionary, Captain Hubbs asked him, "Where are you going?" S. "To the Navigator Islands. I sail in October." Capt. "Pore young man! Pore young man! It is too bad too bad indeed!
"Why," says he, "Gopher, U.S.A. That's the idea! I'm from there. Hubbs is the name, Nelson Hubbs, secretary of the Gopher Board of Trade, and I never miss a chance to give Gopher a boost." "If this is a sample," says I, "you don't need to make an affidavit. But you wanted to see J. Bayard Steele, didn't you?" It was as I'd suspicioned. Mr.
But we works our way through the mob until we're in front of the buildin', where there's a big, yellow-lettered sign that reads: GOPHER, U.S.A. HEADQUARTERS Underneath the sign was a big window with the sash out and a sort of platform juttin' over the sidewalk. Just as we arrives out steps Nelson Hubbs, wearin' the same rube rig and carryin' the same green bag.
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