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Updated: May 19, 2025
I have discovered many in my own life up to now, yet that has not closed the door to one more and that one is clearly visible to my eyes. She has also discovered her own affinity to me. And then? Then, if I do not win I am a coward. Bimala's Story I WONDER what could have happened to my feeling of shame. The fact is, I had no time to think about myself.
But there must be no more human sacrifices at its shrine ... I went into my bedroom this morning, to fetch a book. It is long since I have been there in the day-time. A pang passed through me as I looked round it today, in the morning light. On the clothes rack was hanging a sari of Bimala's, crinkled ready for wear.
The young men, who are ready to offer their services for their country's cause, must not fall into this habit of getting intoxicated. The people who want to exact work by drugging methods set more value on the excitement than on the minds they intoxicate. I had to tell Sandip, in Bimala's presence, that he must go. Perhaps both will impute to me the wrong motive.
"Whatever are you doing, brother dear?" she cried. "For pity's sake go to bed and stop worrying so. I cannot bear to look on that awful shadow of pain on your face." Tears welled up in her eyes and overflowed as she entreated me thus. I could not utter a word, but took the dust of her feet, as I went off to bed. Bimala's Story
It is enough for me that this command from above comes from your lips. And, sister, I thought I had an invitation here. I must not lose that. You must give me your prasad before I go. Then, if I can possibly manage it, I will finish my duty in the evening." Tears came to my eyes when I tried to smile as I said: "So be it." Food consecrated by the touch of a revered person. Bimala's Story
So I would call on them in your name and offer for their worship an image from which none shall be able to withhold belief. Oh give me this boon, this power." Bimala's eyelids drooped and she became rigid in her seat like a figure of stone. Had I continued she would have gone off into a trance.
The Creator is under no obligation to supply me with angels, just because I have an avidity for imaginary perfection. I must acknowledge that I have merely been an accident in Bimala's life. Her nature, perhaps, can only find true union with one like Sandip. At the same time, I must not, in false modesty, accept my rejection as my desert.
Passion is beautiful and pure pure as the lily that comes out of the slimy soil. It rises superior to its defilement and needs no Pears' soap to wash it clean. A question has been worrying me the last few days. Why am I allowing my life to become entangled with Bimala's? Am I a drifting log to be caught up at any and every obstacle?
"We may or may not be able to save him," I said; "but if we should perish in the attempt to save the country from the thousand-and-one snares of religion, custom and selfishness which these people are busy spreading, we shall at least die happy." Bimala's Story Who could have thought that so much would happen in this one life?
One day I had the faith to believe that I should be able to bear whatever came from my God. I never had the trial. Now I think it has come. I used to test my strength of mind by imagining all kinds of evil which might happen to me poverty, imprisonment, dishonour, death even Bimala's. And when I said to myself that I should be able to receive these with firmness, I am sure I did not exaggerate.
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