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Updated: May 12, 2025
Hans Vanderbum sat and gazed at his wife with an admiring eye, as she busied herself with the preparations of the morning meal. Hoping to mollify her, he commenced flattering her, speaking in a low tone as if it were not his wish that she should hear him, but taking good care, at the same time, that nothing should escape her ears. "Shplendid figger, Keewaygooshturkumkankangewock has got.
The wife vouchsafed no reply, but jerking the fish from his hand, entered the wigwam for the purpose of cooking them, while Hans Vanderbum himself went lounging on through the village, it being his purpose not to seem too anxious and hurried in his effort to gain his news regarding the captive. He was, despite his stupidity, not devoid of sagacity at times. He had not long to search.
"Is her husband, that rascally Ferrington, living?" Oonomoo replied that he was. "And is their baby, too?" "Yes, they have two pappooses." "Dunder and blixen!" exclaimed Hans Vanderbum, and then resuming the English language, or rather his version of it, he added: "Dat gal wanted to marry mit me once." "Why no marry den?" inquired Oonomoo, also coming back to the more difficult language.
The time was early in the morning of a radiant spring, when the atmosphere was still and charming; the dew lingered upon the grass and undergrowth; birds were singing in every tree; the sky glowed with the pure blue of Italy; and the whole wilderness in its bloom looked like a sea of emerald. Everything was life and exhilaration, one personage alone excepted Hans Vanderbum was unhappy!
Accordingly, when she ventured a second time upon the sea of matrimony, she naturally fell into the same routine of labor, planting and cultivating what little corn, beans and vegetables were raised for the family, and doing all the really hard work. Hans Vanderbum sometimes gathered firewood, and frequently, when the weather was pleasant, spent hours in fishing.
At length, however, he fancied that he saw one of the limbs sway gently backward and forward in a manner that could hardly be caused by the wind. Gradually it began to dawn upon him that if there was any person upon the tree, he meant that his presence should not be suspected by the Shawnees along the bank. Accordingly Hans Vanderbum was more circumspect in his observations.
"Yes, yes; they destroyed everything." "I shpose your folks will feel bad when dey finds dese Shawnees have got you, won't dey?" "Oh, yes, yes; do not speak of it." At this point Hans Vanderbum began to get a sort of dim, vague idea that his style of conversation was not exactly calculated to soothe the feelings of the unfortunate prisoner; so he determined, if possible, to make amends for it.
"Ain't dere notting else to tell him?" asked Hans Vanderbum, still lingering. "I know of nothing else. He certainly needs no advice from me." "Notting to send to Lieutenant Canfield, eh?" again queried Hans.
A Shawnee squaw was occupied in preparing the morning meal, while her liege lord still reclined in one corner, in the vain effort to secure a few minutes more of slumber. This latter personage was Hans Vanderbum our friend Hans a huge, plethoric, stolid, lazy Dutchman, who had "married" an Indian widow several years before.
Brimful of animal spirits, they were just the reverse of Hans Vanderbum, whose laziness and stupidity were only excelled by his indifference to the dignity and rights of human nature.
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