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Updated: June 11, 2025
Our chronicles are closed. Need we say that Richard Topertoe, on gaining the title and estate, became a resident landlord, and is at this day enjoying a green and happy old age upon one of the best managed properties in Ireland, where his tenantry are grateful, prosperous, and happy.
But enough of this. Before the union, old Topertoe was master of three votes that is, he sat himself for the county, and returned members for two boroughs. He was known by the sobriquet of Pater Noster Tom not from any disposition to devotion; but because, whether in parliament, on the hustings, or, indeed, anywhere else, he never made a speech longer than the Lord's Prayer.
"O! O!" exclaimed Topertoe, who felt one or two desperate twinges of his prevailing malady; "curse me, Manifold, but I think I would exchange with you; your complaint is an easy one compared to mine. You are a mere block, and will pop off without pain, instead of being racked like a soul in perdition as I am." "Your soul in perdition well I suppose it will.
Richard Topertoe is in London, but, between you and me, it matters little where he is; you may judge of what an intermeddling fool he must be, when he had the presumption to urge his Lordship to come to his native land, and live on his estate.
"'Does Lord Cumber ever visit his property here? I asked. "'He has too much sense, returned the agent; 'but now that parliament is dissolved, he will come over to the Election. We must return either him or his brother the Hon. Dick Topertoe, who, I understand, has no fixed principles whatsoever. "'But why return such a man? Why not put up and support one of your own way of thinking?
His speech at elections absolutely became a proverb in the country; and, indeed, when we remember the good-natured license of the times, as many still may, together with the singular blending of generosity and violence, horsewhipping and protection, mirth and mischief which characterized the bearing of such men as Topertoe, we are fain to think, to vary the proverb a little, that he might have spoken more and fared worse.
Topertoe, "I may as well inform you that I have made myself thoroughly and most intimately acquainted with your conduct in all its revolting phases; I have read and transmitted to my brother two letters which passed between you and this pious gentleman, Mr. M'Slime, here, upon the subject of Messrs.
Richard Topertoe, and if a cultivated understanding, joined to an excellent and humane heart, deserved a title, in her person they did.
He had already had a fit of apoplexy, and it was the apprehension of another, with which he was threatened, that brought him to the Spa. The next was Parson Topertoe, whose great enemy was the gout, brought on, of course, by an ascetic and apostolic life.
"There is your friend and kindred spirit, Mr. M'Clutchy," replied Mr. Topertoe, "who, only that he never forgives an injury, might get you a secret appointment among the Castle Spies and Informers, with whom, or rather it would appear, with the gentleman who drills them, he has considerable influence. It is for such a respectable corps that your talents are best adapted."
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