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Updated: May 14, 2025
Well, sir, Davy refused one of his farces; but the wily Caledonian pocketed the affront, in coolly observing, 'that he had nearly completed another volume of his history, and hoped he might be permitted to name the British Roscius, the pride of his country, and all that sort of thing. It was a palpable hit, sir the thing was settled the manager managed; and Smelfungus retired, without his manuscript, half sorry he had not added another scene to his farce.
Skihi proposed to him that they should go and take a walk, to which he readily agreed. Then they went to Dr. Smelfungus, the great botanist, who was at present trying to graft japonicas on bramble bushes: "It would improve the appearance of the roadside so much!" and Dr.
He tells us at last, the name VOLTAIRE is a mere Anagram of AROUET L. J. you try it; A.R.O.U.E.T.L.J.=V.O.L.T.A.I.R.E and perceive at once, with obligations to Smelfungus, that he has settled this small matter for you, and that you can be silent upon it forever thenceforth.
Skihi, at this, glanced with profound contempt at Smelfungus, and gave a "hum!" that was echoed by the professor of health and him of natural science; then raising himself on the tips of his toes, and seesawing up and down at every word, he inquired, superciliously, "And pray, sir, may I ask, in the name of my scientific friends, what branch of science you profess, which is superior to every other?"
What deserts of dust he wrought in, and what a jungle of false growths he had to clear away, Dryasdust and Smelfungus mournfully hint and indignantly moralize, under such significant names does this new Rhadamanthus reveal the real sins of mankind, and deliver them over to the judgment of their peers. Frederick, indeed, is among them, but not of them.
I popp'd upon Smelfungus again at Turin, in his return home; and a sad tale of sorrowful adventures had he to tell, "wherein he spoke of moving accidents by flood and field, and of the cannibals that each other eat: the Anthropophagi:" he had been flayed alive, and bedevil'd, and used worse than St. Bartholomew, at every stage he had come at. I'll tell it, cried Smelfungus, to the world.
But I know not how it is; your violent complainers are the least apt to excite compassion. I believe, notwithstanding, if another rising generation should lodge above me at the next inn, I shall grow as scurrilous as Dr. Smollett, and be dignified with the appellation of the Younger Smelfungus.
Catastrophe due throughout to three causes: FIRST, That Fredersdorf, not Eichel, wrote the Order; and introduced the indefinite phrase SKRIPTUREN, instead of sticking by the OEUVRE DE POESIES, the one essential point. SECOND, That Freytag was of heavy pipe-clay nature. "The poor Voltaire, after all!" ejaculates Smelfungus. What an end to Visit Fifth; began in Olympus, terminates in the Lock-up!
A kind of horror haunts one's notion of her red-handed brazen-faced Orlofs and her, which all the cosmetics of the world will never quite cover. And yet, on the spot, in Petersburg at the moment ! Read this Clipping from Smelfungus, on a collateral topic:
Virtually a kind of PAPA, or Intellectual Father of Mankind," sneers Smelfungus; "Pope improvised for the nonce. The new Fridericus Magnus does as the old Pipinus, old Carolus Magnus did: recognizes his Pope, in despite of the base vulgar; elevates him aloft into worship, for the vulgar and for everybody!
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